After Springfield’s men become obsessed with Ultimate Fighting Ultimate Punching events, Marge steps into the Octagon Septagon to battle the sport’s charismatic founder.
Category: Martial Arts Humor
Four Lies and One Martial Arts Fact
The meme works as follows. You post five things about yourself. Four are untrue. One is true. All are so outlandish, implausible or ridiculous that no one would be inclined to believe that any of them are true. And despite the pleas from your readers, you never divulge which is true and which are fabrications. You then tag five other people (four seriously and one person you are pretty sure would never participate).
1. I once challenged more than twenty members of a rival Kung Fu school.
Free Self-Defense Lessons From Jerry Springer
Years before The Ultimate Fighter and pay-per-view MMA specials, talk-show host Jerry Springer pioneered “reality” fighting entertainment.
While Jerry Springer’s talk show environment is obviously somewhat contrived, his guests’ fighting technique is in other respects spontaneous and natural. So how do the lessons taught in the average martial arts dojo compare to combat performances on Jerry Springer?
Dojo Fantasy: There are no rules in a real fight.
Jerry Springer Reality:
A Sexy Moment in Karate History
The year was 2002. After a decade of expansion, our nation’s economy was reeling from the devastating effects of the dot-com collapse and 9-11 terror attacks.
No industry was immune to the slowdown. Sales of karate-themed entertainment products—long considered a bellwether for overall financial health—were sharply impacted.
Forged in this bleak crucible: a masterpiece of video game action. Creative Edge Studios, a small but courageous band of developers and artists, released the world’s first digital bikini-based fighting adventure.
Weapons Training Failures: Share Your Story
Oops The Samurai
(Hat Tip: Ikigai – Blogging the Martial Way)
As a complete list of my own training failures is far too long to recount, I’ll share just one here.
Britain’s Most Dangerous Street Weapons
In this classic interview, Ali G asks a policeman tough questions about illegal and deadly weapons–such as, Where can I get some?
New War of the Worlds: Science and Religion
My fellow aliens,
I am writing to you on a most joyous occasion. This evening, we will commence our second invasion of planet Earth. Soon, we shall realize our long-awaited objective: to oppress, exploit, and enslave the human race.
Even in this late hour, there are some who persist in questioning our motivations, and doubting our chances of success. To be clear, we undertake this action in preemptive self-defense, and failure is therefore not an option. Our intelligence suggests that if we do not strike now, the humans may one day rise to challenge us. For the sake of our slimy children…we simply cannot take that risk.
It is true that our previous Earth invasion was not a complete success. Our flying saucers needlessly alarmed the local populace, and our death rays were ineffective against the filthy Earth bacteria. In the years since that unfortunate event, our finest military analysts have carefully drafted a new strategy, one that is certain to prevail.
“American Ninja” Michael Dudikoff Found Alive
American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
LA JOLLA—Veteran actor Michael Dudikoff was discovered alive in his hotel room this morning, under mysterious circumstances. He was 54 years old.
Jose Aldo’s Crushing Crane Kick
After Karate expert Lyoto Machida’s recent win in UFC 98, fans immediately started talking about a comeback for traditional martial arts. Prior to Machida’s victory, the couch potato consensus had written off traditional training methods as superstitious and ineffective. How quickly perceptions change.
Two short weeks later, Brazilian featherweight Jose Aldo won a truly stunning victory against Cub Swanson in WEC 41. Total match time: 5 seconds. Winning technique: crane kick.
The Devil’s Dictionary of Martial Arts
BLACK BELT – That uniform accessory most coveted by students of martial arts, who, upon receiving it, pretend it never held any interest at all.
PRACTICE – To endlessly repeat the same sequence of movements, always hoping for different results. (See also: INSANITY.)
KATA – An awful form of dance, often assumed to divulge some hidden meaning after sufficient PRACTICE.