Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers

SKOKIE, IL—Toshiro Tenchumaru, a 34-year-old ninja and longtime employee at Azuma Copier Corporation in Skokie, stealthily took the lives of 12 co-workers Monday after suffering what investigators theorize was “a breakdown due to job-related stress.”

The disgruntled ninja was later captured by police while attempting to flee on foot across telephone lines. Continue reading Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers

Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

‘I am the serenest!’ he says

LHASA, TIBET—Employing the brash style that first brought him to prominence, Sri Dhananjai Bikram won the fifth annual International Yogi Competition yesterday with a world-record point total of 873.6.

Sri Dhananjai Bikram walked away with the World Yoga Championship after averaging 1.89 breaths per minute for two straight hours.

“I am the serenest!” Bikram shouted to the estimated crowd of 20,000 yoga fans, vigorously pumping his fists. “No one is serener than Sri Dhananjai Bikram—I am the greatest monk of all time!” Continue reading Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts

The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice.
3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Continue reading 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts