Hey, Zangief Kid. Millions of people are talking about you these days. They are talking about that final bullying event, captured on video two weeks ago, that made you Internet famous. Reporters, school officials, and other so-called experts are discussing how such events should be “handled” or “managed,” as if they indicated a simple policy failure.
I think you know better, Little Zangief, and so do I. Now, rather than adding to the punditry, I’d like to say a few words to you directly. But first, a quick recap, and please correct me if I am wrong…
School bullies hounded you for years. They tormented you daily, to such an extent that others were reluctant to be seen as your friend, lest they be forced to share in your suffering.
When a group of bullies ambushed you, their scrawny leader throwing punches while the rest stood by in approval, you finally snapped. They had your back against the wall, both figuratively and literally, Zangief. So, on the fifth punch,
Your name is Cody, and you have no past, only a backstory. Some street gang kidnapped your girlfriend Jessica, you are told, and you need to punch them all out in order to rescue her. Details are not important–just start punching!
The clock is ticking, literally. You have to reach the end of each gang-infested street before the timer reaches zero, or Jessica is finished. Unfortunately you never learned to run, much less drive a car, or ride a bicycle, or even take the bus. No, Cody, you never learned much of anything in your life: all you can do now is walk around, jump, kick, punch, and “special attack.”
Lucky for you, most of the Mad Gear gang attended the same inner-city schools.
The year was 2002. After a decade of expansion, our nation’s economy was reeling from the devastating effects of the dot-com collapse and 9-11 terror attacks.
No industry was immune to the slowdown. Sales of karate-themed entertainment products—long considered a bellwether for overall financial health—were sharply impacted.
Forged in this bleak crucible: a masterpiece of video game action. Creative Edge Studios, a small but courageous band of developers and artists, released the world’s first digital bikini-based fighting adventure.
NEW YORK – Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch and all of your least favorite Wall Street players were seen brawling in the streets this evening. The winner will claim an extra trillion dollar bailout. It’s a financial crisis of epic proportions!