Steven Seagal Redeems Himself As Cock Puncher

Steven Seagal as Cock Puncher

Where did Steven Seagal go wrong? His early movies—Hard to Kill, Out for Justice, Under Siege—reinvigorated the action genre, with their breathtaking displays of no-holds-barred Aikido.

His next two-dozen films weren’t so well received, or so I hear. I didn’t watch them myself.

It wasn’t the thin plots or dull acting that eventually turned me off Steven Seagal’s work; it was his characters, or rather his character. Continue reading Steven Seagal Redeems Himself As Cock Puncher

Chuck Norris and Google: The Facts

Google

How do you think Google established their complete dominance of Web search? Superior engineering? Nope. Shrewd business strategy? Guess again. They have a secret weapon…

Chuck Norris built Google’s first data center from a roll of barbed wire, a pallet of lumber, and a side of raw beef. The barbed wire was just for snacking.

Google Health

A recent Google Health survey has identified the three most common medical diagnoses in the United States: Chuck Norris’ Right Leg, Chuck Norris’ Left Leg, and Other. Continue reading Chuck Norris and Google: The Facts

Colbert Sensei Teaches Kids Discipline and Respect

Stephen Colbert

Don’t worry if a rule makes sense—the important thing is that it’s a rule. Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn’t be learning respect for authority, they’d be learning logic.

From I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert Sensei

Attention, busy parents: do you need an authority figure to enforce a set of arbitrary rules on your children? Visit your local dojo today!

Reflections on Bruce Lee’s Water: Does Skill Actually Matter?

Don’t get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

Bruce Lee said it*—but did he actually do it? Did he flow like water? Judging by his performances in Enter the Dragon, Chinese Connection and Fists of Fury, I’d say: no, not at all.

Bruce Lee in The Chinese Connection

Maybe Bruce didn’t show his real kung fu skills on the silver screen. Continue reading Reflections on Bruce Lee’s Water: Does Skill Actually Matter?

Warren Buffett on MMA Training and Self-Defense

A Fake Interview with Real* Quotes

Warren Buffett
Credit: Mark Hirschey

Martial Development: First of all, congratulations: a recent surge in Berkshire Hathaway’s stock price has made you the richest man in the world. $62 billion dollars, I hear. According to my estimates, you could literally buy up all the tea in China.

Warren Buffett: I drink Coca-Cola.

Martial Development: Fair enough. You know, kung fu is all about profitably investing time and effort. As one of the world’s greatest investors, I thought you might have some unique insights to share with us.

Warren Buffett: I’ve never even made a hostile acquisition! What do I know about kung fu?

Martial Development: More than you realize. Continue reading Warren Buffett on MMA Training and Self-Defense

Watermelon Dim Mak with Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal reaches new heights of self-parody, in this scene from his latest movie Shadow Man:

Steven Seagal: So the idea of dim mak, or any kind of internal technique, is not to hurt others but to help others.  Dim mak can be used to heal people, it can be used to kill people.  This is the nature of chi.  Chi can be used in striking for just external, or internal.  If you go to the internal organs you’ll do great damage; external, you can just move them a little. [Applies ji posture to send Student 1 reeling backwards.]  Or, you can go internal. [Strikes watermelon held by Student 2, ruining lunchtime for everyone.]

Continue reading Watermelon Dim Mak with Steven Seagal

Think, Grow Rich, or Die Trying: The Bruce Lee Story

As a fan of Bruce Lee, you probably already know about his extensive library. Bruce’s collection reportedly spanned more than 2000 books on philosophy and martial arts. (In fact, much of the material in his “signature work”, the Tao of Jeet Kune Do—compiled and published posthumously from his notes—was copied from these primary sources.)

Bruce Lee was influenced by D.T. Suzuki, J. Krishnamurti, and many other teachers, but perhaps no author left a greater impression on him than Napoleon Hill. Continue reading Think, Grow Rich, or Die Trying: The Bruce Lee Story

14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts

The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice.
3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Continue reading 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts