Martial Development

Martial arts for personal development

Chuck Norris and Google: The Facts

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107 Comments

Google

How do you think Google established their complete dominance of Web search? Superior engineering? Nope. Shrewd business strategy? Guess again. They have a secret weapon…

Chuck Norris built Google’s first data center from a roll of barbed wire, a pallet of lumber, and a side of raw beef. The barbed wire was just for snacking.

Google Health

A recent Google Health survey has identified the three most common medical diagnoses in the United States: Chuck Norris’ Right Leg, Chuck Norris’ Left Leg, and Other.

Google is reportedly experimenting with alternative energy sources. Their most promising so far: a treadmill, next to a life-size photo of Chuck Norris.

Gmail catches 99% of all email spam—by filtering POP3 Internet traffic through Chuck Norris’ beard clippings.

Chuck Norris
Chuck prepares for his next mission

Chuck Norris invented the Map-Reduce algorithm, when he single-handedly eliminated the Soviet Union, East Germany and North Vietnam.

Supplemental results were introduced to keep Chuck Norris from dominating every search query. They were eliminated after proving completely ineffective.


Why has Google’s stock price climbed from $85 to over $700? In a futile attempt to escape Chuck Norris’ earthly clutches.

* Despite all this, Google still cannot find Chuck Norris.

Please feel free to share your own Chuck Norris Google facts below.

Categories: Martial Arts Humor

107 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Chris // May 21, 2008

    “Mr. Matt Cutts” is an anagram of “Chuck Norris”. Trust me on this one.

  • 2 Roger Chubbykins III // Jun 22, 2008

    I want to eat C.N. he looks like an antelope and smells like a hippos nostrils expunged snot on him.

  • 3 Allen IVVXIII // Jul 16, 2008

    I agree with Chubbykins III

  • 4 Allen IVVXIII // Jul 16, 2008

    but really im kidding because I know that chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding, and I dont want to go into hiding.

  • 5 gamer12144 // Sep 24, 2008

    CHUCK NORRIS HAS BEEN DEAD FOR SEVEN YEARS………………DEATH IS JUST TOO AFRAID TO TELL HIM.

  • 6 Chuck Norris // Oct 14, 2008

    i am awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    -sincerly Chuck Norris

  • 7 Adam // Oct 29, 2008

    GOOGLE will not index a single WEB unless Chuck Norris let it happen.

  • 8 kami // Dec 11, 2008

    chuck norris CAN believe it’s not butter

  • 9 AllenIVVXIII // Dec 11, 2008

    thats funny because I cant believe its not butter, but chuck norris can!!! it shows how far in the human evolutionary chain Chuck Norris is….I Believe that we will be equal with Chuck Norris in about 5 billion years

  • 10 SABRINA // Dec 11, 2008

    Chuck Norris knows why the Grudge really makes that noise, but he refuzes to tell.

  • 11 Fusion // Jan 18, 2009

    The cheetah, is the fastest land animal because it had to adapt to being chased by Chuck Norris. They still aren’t fast enough.

  • 12 Fusion // Jan 18, 2009

    If you’re playing Guess Who and you ask “Is your person Chuck Norris?” you automatically win. Forever.

  • 13 Fusion // Jan 18, 2009

    Chuck Norris is the only person who doesn’t have to dance now.

  • 14 Fusion // Jan 18, 2009

    It is theorised that Chuck Norris is the last digit of pi.

  • 15 AllenIVVXIII // Jan 19, 2009

    look fusion, one chuck norris fact at a time, and make it make since to the convo. We all know chuck norris hates people who spam his jokes. I’m just trying to save your life

  • 16 Jim // Jan 22, 2009

    Jesus may be able to walk on water, but chuck norris can swim through land.

  • 17 mr. Awesome // Jan 25, 2009

    if you have$5, and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

  • 18 Nigel Powers // Jan 27, 2009

    Chuck Norris can nail jell-o to a wall.

  • 19 jeffburnhardt17 // Feb 3, 2009

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!!!! bitches!!!

  • 20 inevitable // Feb 12, 2009

    chuck norris has counted to infnity, twice

  • 21 The Person // Mar 10, 2009

    Chuck Norris is so cool, i heard he had sex before his dad!!!

  • 22 The Person // Mar 10, 2009

    i also heard Chuck Norris is so strong, he can lift up a bus while sitting in it!

  • 23 AmiiROARR // Mar 14, 2009

    Chuck Norris Ordered A BigMac from Burger King
    AND GOT ONE!

    Chuck Norris Once Roundhouse Kicked a horse in the chin, its decendants are now knwn as giraffes.
    =]

  • 24 IAmReptarHereMeRawr! // Mar 17, 2009

    OMGosh! if Chuck Norris was REALLY on this website, let me know, but then come to my funeral because if its true, i will die from over excitement!!! btw I LOVE Chuck Norris, but who doesn’t, and if you do, you shall be round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in 1 second…

  • 25 skyler // Mar 18, 2009

    chuck norris does not consiter it sex if the woman servives

  • 26 hotshit // Apr 18, 2009

    Chuck Norris invited his grandmother over for Thanks Giving dinner. He cooked the turkey just by looking at it, then his grandmother asked how he did that. He round house kicked her in the face and said “NOBODY questions Chuck Norris!”

  • 27 me :P // Apr 19, 2009

    Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

  • 28 SeeYouAtTheVenetian // May 8, 2009

    Chuck Norris can stop the beat.

    Chuck Norris isn’t funny, stop laughing.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t obey the law, the law obey’s Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

  • 29 Jordan // May 15, 2009

    chuck norris only masterbates to a pic of chuck norris

  • 30 Jordan // May 15, 2009

    chuck norris stared at a t-rex, the t-rex pissed him self

  • 31 dillo // May 21, 2009

    chuck norris doesnt teabag he potato sacks

  • 32 chuck norris // Jun 1, 2009

    chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved

  • 33 OblivionAlchemist // Jun 10, 2009

    Chuck Norris once picked up a hooker and had sex with her in the back of his semi-truck, one drop of his Semen fell onto the seat and eternally bonded to the truck.
    - That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

  • 34 OblivionAlchemist // Jun 10, 2009

    Chuck Norris once looked into a mirror and it shattered. . .
    Even the mirror knows not to get inbetween two Chuck Norris’s.

  • 35 OblivionAlchemist // Jun 10, 2009

    Chuck Norris won the Iron Chef tittle with an Easy Bake oven. . .

    Chuck Norris won a Ping-Pong tournament with a tennis Raquet and a Bowling ball. . .

    Chuck Norris can Pop-a-Wheelie on a Unicycle. . .

  • 36 Chase Christensen // Jul 7, 2009

    If chuck norris was gay women would be men

  • 37 Hee-Yann // Jul 11, 2009

    Chuck Norris knows what a hollaback girl is.

  • 38 Desert Mahem // Jul 20, 2009

    Scientists say that the cure to cancer is Chuck Norris’s tear… to bad he never cries…..

  • 39 Ello // Jul 31, 2009

    When you Google Chuck Norris, it doesn’t bring up web sights, it says “Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.”

  • 40 Dingo // Aug 9, 2009

    When Chuck Norris came into existance there was a bang . . . . we call that now as the Big Bang :D

  • 41 shoowin // Sep 27, 2009

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves

  • 42 SnowMan // Oct 19, 2009

    Chuck Norris has a desert Eagle.50 so don,t call him this way ,,Hay Chucky,, he is gonna find ya and you know what he is gonna do ya

  • 43 RabBit // Nov 1, 2009

    Chuck Norris doesn’t tie his own shoe lases. They tie themselves

  • 44 Chuck Norris // Nov 1, 2009

    Look behind you.

    *ROUNDHOUSE KICK!*

    -Sincerly Chuck Norris

  • 45 I AM TEG PWNAGE // Nov 16, 2009

    When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn’t wet the bed as his parents thought, the bed wet Chuck Norris.

    Criss Angel can float in the air, well The air floats on Chuck Norris. ( this one i made it in 10 seconds.)

  • 46 Chris // Nov 16, 2009

    I believe the proper phrasing is, “When young Chuck Norris went to sleep, his bed wet itself out of fear.” :)

  • 47 tyler smokith the greene // Nov 24, 2009

    Chuck Norris is a beast.
    Chuck Norris is a beast.
    Chuck Norris is a beast.

  • 48 Chuck Norris // Nov 28, 2009

    Chuck Norris is an anagram of something he can do: Crush Rock In

    Chuck Norris can run around the world and hit himself on the back of the head.

    Chuck Norris can break anything and cannot be broken… He inspired the invincible armor ultimate weapon logic puzzle

  • 49 DYVANE // Dec 5, 2009

    APPLE pay to Chuck Norris 0.99$ for every song he listens

  • 50 Dominique // Dec 9, 2009

    The reason we do not have any Santa is because one year he forgot Chuck Norris’s gift

  • 51 Chuck Norris Biggest Fan Ever // Dec 11, 2009

    Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

  • 52 screw chuck // Dec 18, 2009

    you are all gay and so is chuck norris. well and anyways did he ever do anything good anyways.

  • 53 screw chuck // Dec 21, 2009

    For some reason, everyones left nut is larger than their right. In Chuck Norris’s case, each nut is larger than the other.

  • 54 Gezwadi // Jan 5, 2010

    screw you chuck norris!
    from gezwadi :-)

  • 55 alex dearn // Jan 15, 2010

    look out mc hammer. chuck norris CAN touch you.

  • 56 Cheese // Jan 22, 2010

    When the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn’t pushing himself up, he’s pushing the ground down.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t write books. the words assemble themselves out of fear.

  • 57 supper man // Jan 27, 2010

    your moms so fat chuck norris cant even roundhouse kick her.

  • 58 eriffrost // Jan 28, 2010

    there was no astoriod that hit the earth mearly a list of animals chuck norris let live

    the reason you never see the moon during day is because it is afriad of the sun, the reason you never see the sun at night is because it is afriad of chuck norris.

  • 59 slaveof chucknorris // Feb 5, 2010

    Before Microsoft there was only Chuck Norris’s Mind

  • 60 Death // Feb 5, 2010

    I’m scared of Chuck Norris

  • 61 Chuck Norris // Feb 5, 2010

    I slapped Chuck Norris and am now running for my life.

  • 62 Chuck Norris // Feb 5, 2010

    Gezwadi is now dead

  • 63 Thaseem Matta // Feb 5, 2010

    I recently found out that Chuck Norris Is so awesome that even Def people can hear him coming.

  • 64 Danny // Feb 5, 2010

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

  • 65 MissingNO. // Feb 9, 2010

    when people sneeze, they usually ask for a kleenex. when Chuck Norris sneezes, he asks for a body bag.

  • 66 Chuck Norris // Mar 2, 2010

    Hi everyone i will round house kick any one who postes after me! But any way if i kick you i may just be trying to tell you that i like your hat

  • 67 bob // Mar 3, 2010

    hi yeah hes gonna round house kick me but does he know where i live take that chuck

  • 68 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    chuck norris is sueing NBC, claiming “Law and Order” are trademarked names of his right and left legs

  • 69 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    they once made chuck norris toilet paper, but there was a problem; it wouldn’t take crap from anybody

  • 70 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    chuck norris invented his own karate, it is called “Chuck-Will-Kill”

  • 71 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    chuck norris played russian roulette with a gun and won

  • 72 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    chuck norris once lost the t.v. remote but maintained control of the t.v. by yelling at it inbetween bites of “fillet-o-child” sandwich

  • 73 ahippy12345 // Mar 4, 2010

    chuck norris once appeared on jeopardy. it is remarkable because it was the first episode that alex trebec had appeared without a mustache…

    …and a head

  • 74 smart joke // Mar 7, 2010

    chuck norris doesn’t go hunt no hunt involes failure
    chuck norris goes killing

  • 75 kayla // Mar 17, 2010

    the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck norris.

  • 76 pupatron3000 // Apr 5, 2010

    I can’t see Chuck Norris. But he can see me. I can never see him,
    But he can roundhouse kick silently and SOMEHOW invisibly on my backside and I’d be dead. Don’t want that to happen so don’t laugh, he might kick you as soon as you end this message, or mabye when i finish this message. Chuck Norris, please roundhouse kick anyone but me who reads this message for some reason that will not intrest them for no reason at all

    -pupatron3000 =D

  • 77 chuck o chuck // Apr 22, 2010

    chuck norris taught the cheetah to walk @ 150 km/hr !!!!!

  • 78 chuck norris fan // May 7, 2010

    chuck norris once beat the sun in a staring contest. FACT.

  • 79 lol // May 12, 2010

    3 facts:
    1.chuck norris can awnser any math question by staring at it and BOOM all the awnsers are correct
    2weegee cant stare at chuck norriss.. chuck norris stares at weegee
    3.chuck norris contros the animals not the animals

  • 80 The night bringer // May 19, 2010

    when chuck norris fights he dosn’t get in to a fight the fight gets in to chuck norris

  • 81 Chuck Norris #2 // May 27, 2010

    I Will Roundhouse Slap In The Ass If You Dont Shut Up About My Roundhouse Slap In The Ass.

  • 82 usmc // Jun 13, 2010

    theres no such thing as global warming chuck norris just turned up the sun

  • 83 me // Jun 15, 2010

    Chuck Norris… period

  • 84 me // Jun 15, 2010

    chuck norris does not own a coffie pot..
    he grinds the beens with his teeth and then boils the water wit his own rage

    chuck norris once orderd a steak in a restoront…
    the steak did what it was told

    de person named screw chuck is now dead ….
    let this be a leson tu u all

    when you ask chuck norris for the time he will always say 2 seoconds ’till,
    if you ask him “two sonconds to what?” he will round house kick you in the face

    have u ever felt like time is going by really fast or really slow?
    this is because chuck norris dosent own any clocks..
    he decides the time

    the big bang was really when chuck norris round house kicked a guy in the face at the same time mista t pityed him

    chuck norris is suing burger king because they wouldent put rasor wire in his burger even thow he insited that was “his way”

    chuck uses a night light..
    not because he is afraid of the dark but beacause the dark is afraid of chuck norris

  • 85 me // Jun 15, 2010

    chuck norris used to be on streat fighter but they took him off for 2 reasons,

    1. any button u pressed when being chuck caused a round house kick to the face that not only killed the other player for ever but also every other player in the game.

    2. if two players were to chose chuck norris and round house kick at the same time the universe would explaode

  • 86 me // Jun 15, 2010

    in the chucks movies he not only does own stunts but every own elses too

    when chuck does a movie he is givin 8 horse tranculizers 5 bever tranculizers and 7 sleeping pills just to lower the damadge down to the other actors in the movie

    one time chuck went back in time to fight himself….
    he won.

    chuck norris once won a staring contest with medusa

    pi x chuck norris = win

  • 87 Rick Astley // Jun 26, 2010

    Rick Astley will never give you up, but Chuck Norris will definately roundhouse kick you down

  • 88 starwarslover56 // Jul 6, 2010

    In the beginning,there was nothing….then chuck norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said” get a job”.that is the story of the universe.

  • 89 spartikis // Jul 21, 2010

    Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

    Chuck Norris can start a fire by grinding 2 ice cubes.

  • 90 Shion // Jul 24, 2010

    if you misspell Chuck Norris’s name, he will misspell your face…

  • 91 Aroniense // Aug 30, 2010

    Chuck Norris casted for the movie ”300” they don’t hired him because if he had the movie had to be renamed to ”1”.

  • 92 Chuck Norris // Sep 6, 2010

    Chuck Norris once worked in a bank, a robber walked in, and ran straight out by looking at Chuck, a cop then walked in and died in horror.

    Chuck Norris once had the internet, and it became the fastest internet in the world, by Chuck yelling at it.

    Chuck Norris.

  • 93 Snoopy // Sep 15, 2010

    Just if you misspell Chuk Noris’s name, doesn’t mean he’ll roundhouse kick you in th- SMACK

  • 94 Parry the Platypus // Oct 18, 2010

    When it rains on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

    The fastest way to a man’s heart is not his stomach. It is a fatal roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris

  • 95 Parry the Platypus // Oct 18, 2010

    If Chuck Norris were to ever fuse with the number 42, it would cause an explosion made of pure awesome that would obliterate the whole universe. Except for Chuck Norris.

  • 96 SLIP SLAP SLURPTREDSES // Nov 27, 2010

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep…he waits

    Once Chuck Norris was jumped by hulk hogan, Jet li and every other awesome character ever. You can guess who won.

    If you play a game of Scrabble and spell CHUCKNORRIS…you automatically win…………Forever

  • 97 SLIP SLAP SLURPTREDSES // Nov 27, 2010

    and ever

  • 98 Simon // Dec 4, 2010

    Chuck Norris Lives in a Round House

  • 99 Power Ranger // Dec 10, 2010

    One time, an alien came to Earth and rid the world of all evil. Chuck Norris heard about this and challenged him to an arm wrestling contest, the loser having to wear their underwear above their pants. Picture Superman.

    Even the power rangers are afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • 100 Power Ranger // Dec 10, 2010

    In the begining of the Star Wars movie it always says, A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…Well it was the future but Chuck Norris didn’t want it to so he Roundhuse kicked it far, far away…And the rest is history.

  • 101 andy // Jan 6, 2011

    chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did

  • 102 chuck norris // Jan 13, 2011

    i,chuck norris,have here answered the question ”whart is 2+7”,my answer is ”chuck norris” we all know that,let those who agree with me,be chuck-blessed,though,this infidoulous spam checker dsnt agree >=O

  • 103 Jim // May 1, 2011

    the only person who cried when Chuck Norris was born was the docter… NEVER slap Chuck Norris

  • 104 TREV // May 6, 2011

    A real life fact. Chuck Norris’s official website claims he became the first Western 8th dan TKD 10 years after 2 other Americans became *th dans. That would suggest Chuck’s kick was so fast he went 10 years back in time to grade.

  • 105 SexyHornyHoes // May 10, 2011

    -”That’s what she said or is it what Chuck Norris said?”

  • 106 brandon // May 18, 2011

    chuck norris

  • All About Celebritites Blog Carnival: Volume 5 | CustomizedGirl Blog // Sep 8, 2010

    [...] presents Chuck Norris Google Facts posted at Martial [...]

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