How do you think Google established their complete dominance of Web search? Superior engineering? Nope. Shrewd business strategy? Guess again. They have a secret weapon…
Chuck Norris built Google’s first data center from a roll of barbed wire, a pallet of lumber, and a side of raw beef. The barbed wire was just for snacking.
A recent Google Health survey has identified the three most common medical diagnoses in the United States: Chuck Norris’ Right Leg, Chuck Norris’ Left Leg, and Other.
Google is reportedly experimenting with alternative energy sources. Their most promising so far: a treadmill, next to a life-size photo of Chuck Norris.
Gmail catches 99% of all email spam—by filtering POP3 Internet traffic through Chuck Norris’ beard clippings.
Chuck prepares for his next mission
Chuck Norris invented the Map-Reduce algorithm, when he single-handedly eliminated the Soviet Union, East Germany and North Vietnam.
Supplemental results were introduced to keep Chuck Norris from dominating every search query. They were eliminated after proving completely ineffective.
Why has Google’s stock price climbed from $85 to over $700? In a futile attempt to escape Chuck Norris’ earthly clutches.
* Despite all this, Google still cannot find Chuck Norris.
Please feel free to share your own Chuck Norris Google facts below.
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64 responses so far ↓
1
Chris
// May 21, 2008
“Mr. Matt Cutts” is an anagram of “Chuck Norris”. Trust me on this one.
2
Roger Chubbykins III
// Jun 22, 2008
I want to eat C.N. he looks like an antelope and smells like a hippos nostrils expunged snot on him.
3
Allen IVVXIII
// Jul 16, 2008
I agree with Chubbykins III
4
Allen IVVXIII
// Jul 16, 2008
but really im kidding because I know that chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding, and I dont want to go into hiding.
5
gamer12144
// Sep 24, 2008
CHUCK NORRIS HAS BEEN DEAD FOR SEVEN YEARS………………DEATH IS JUST TOO AFRAID TO TELL HIM.
6
Chuck Norris
// Oct 14, 2008
i am awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-sincerly Chuck Norris
7
Adam
// Oct 29, 2008
GOOGLE will not index a single WEB unless Chuck Norris let it happen.
8
kami
// Dec 11, 2008
chuck norris CAN believe it’s not butter
9
AllenIVVXIII
// Dec 11, 2008
thats funny because I cant believe its not butter, but chuck norris can!!! it shows how far in the human evolutionary chain Chuck Norris is….I Believe that we will be equal with Chuck Norris in about 5 billion years
10
SABRINA
// Dec 11, 2008
Chuck Norris knows why the Grudge really makes that noise, but he refuzes to tell.
11
Fusion
// Jan 18, 2009
The cheetah, is the fastest land animal because it had to adapt to being chased by Chuck Norris. They still aren’t fast enough.
12
Fusion
// Jan 18, 2009
If you’re playing Guess Who and you ask “Is your person Chuck Norris?” you automatically win. Forever.
13
Fusion
// Jan 18, 2009
Chuck Norris is the only person who doesn’t have to dance now.
14
Fusion
// Jan 18, 2009
It is theorised that Chuck Norris is the last digit of pi.
15
AllenIVVXIII
// Jan 19, 2009
look fusion, one chuck norris fact at a time, and make it make since to the convo. We all know chuck norris hates people who spam his jokes. I’m just trying to save your life
16
Jim
// Jan 22, 2009
Jesus may be able to walk on water, but chuck norris can swim through land.
17
mr. Awesome
// Jan 25, 2009
if you have$5, and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
18
Nigel Powers
// Jan 27, 2009
Chuck Norris can nail jell-o to a wall.
19
jeffburnhardt17
// Feb 3, 2009
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!!!! bitches!!!
20
inevitable
// Feb 12, 2009
chuck norris has counted to infnity, twice
21
The Person
// Mar 10, 2009
Chuck Norris is so cool, i heard he had sex before his dad!!!
22
The Person
// Mar 10, 2009
i also heard Chuck Norris is so strong, he can lift up a bus while sitting in it!
23
AmiiROARR
// Mar 14, 2009
Chuck Norris Ordered A BigMac from Burger King
AND GOT ONE!
Chuck Norris Once Roundhouse Kicked a horse in the chin, its decendants are now knwn as giraffes.
=]
24
IAmReptarHereMeRawr!
// Mar 17, 2009
OMGosh! if Chuck Norris was REALLY on this website, let me know, but then come to my funeral because if its true, i will die from over excitement!!! btw I LOVE Chuck Norris, but who doesn’t, and if you do, you shall be round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in 1 second…
25
skyler
// Mar 18, 2009
chuck norris does not consiter it sex if the woman servives
26
hotshit
// Apr 18, 2009
Chuck Norris invited his grandmother over for Thanks Giving dinner. He cooked the turkey just by looking at it, then his grandmother asked how he did that. He round house kicked her in the face and said “NOBODY questions Chuck Norris!”
27
me :P
// Apr 19, 2009
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
28
SeeYouAtTheVenetian
// May 8, 2009
Chuck Norris can stop the beat.
Chuck Norris isn’t funny, stop laughing.
Chuck Norris doesn’t obey the law, the law obey’s Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
29
Jordan
// May 15, 2009
chuck norris only masterbates to a pic of chuck norris
30
Jordan
// May 15, 2009
chuck norris stared at a t-rex, the t-rex pissed him self
31
dillo
// May 21, 2009
chuck norris doesnt teabag he potato sacks
32
chuck norris
// Jun 1, 2009
chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved
33
OblivionAlchemist
// Jun 10, 2009
Chuck Norris once picked up a hooker and had sex with her in the back of his semi-truck, one drop of his Semen fell onto the seat and eternally bonded to the truck.
- That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
34
OblivionAlchemist
// Jun 10, 2009
Chuck Norris once looked into a mirror and it shattered. . .
Even the mirror knows not to get inbetween two Chuck Norris’s.
35
OblivionAlchemist
// Jun 10, 2009
Chuck Norris won the Iron Chef tittle with an Easy Bake oven. . .
Chuck Norris won a Ping-Pong tournament with a tennis Raquet and a Bowling ball. . .
Chuck Norris can Pop-a-Wheelie on a Unicycle. . .
36
Chase Christensen
// Jul 7, 2009
If chuck norris was gay women would be men
37
Hee-Yann
// Jul 11, 2009
Chuck Norris knows what a hollaback girl is.
38
Desert Mahem
// Jul 20, 2009
Scientists say that the cure to cancer is Chuck Norris’s tear… to bad he never cries…..
39
Ello
// Jul 31, 2009
When you Google Chuck Norris, it doesn’t bring up web sights, it says “Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.”
40
Dingo
// Aug 9, 2009
When Chuck Norris came into existance there was a bang . . . . we call that now as the Big Bang
41
shoowin
// Sep 27, 2009
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves
42
SnowMan
// Oct 19, 2009
Chuck Norris has a desert Eagle.50 so don,t call him this way ,,Hay Chucky,, he is gonna find ya and you know what he is gonna do ya
43
RabBit
// Nov 1, 2009
Chuck Norris doesn’t tie his own shoe lases. They tie themselves
44
Chuck Norris
// Nov 1, 2009
Look behind you.
*ROUNDHOUSE KICK!*
-Sincerly Chuck Norris
45
I AM TEG PWNAGE
// Nov 16, 2009
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn’t wet the bed as his parents thought, the bed wet Chuck Norris.
Criss Angel can float in the air, well The air floats on Chuck Norris. ( this one i made it in 10 seconds.)
46
Chris
// Nov 16, 2009
I believe the proper phrasing is, “When young Chuck Norris went to sleep, his bed wet itself out of fear.”
47
tyler smokith the greene
// Nov 24, 2009
Chuck Norris is a beast.
Chuck Norris is a beast.
Chuck Norris is a beast.
48
Chuck Norris
// Nov 28, 2009
Chuck Norris is an anagram of something he can do: Crush Rock In
Chuck Norris can run around the world and hit himself on the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can break anything and cannot be broken… He inspired the invincible armor ultimate weapon logic puzzle
49
DYVANE
// Dec 5, 2009
APPLE pay to Chuck Norris 0.99$ for every song he listens
50
Dominique
// Dec 9, 2009
The reason we do not have any Santa is because one year he forgot Chuck Norris’s gift
51
Chuck Norris Biggest Fan Ever
// Dec 11, 2009
Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
52
screw chuck
// Dec 18, 2009
you are all gay and so is chuck norris. well and anyways did he ever do anything good anyways.
53
screw chuck
// Dec 21, 2009
For some reason, everyones left nut is larger than their right. In Chuck Norris’s case, each nut is larger than the other.
54
Gezwadi
// Jan 5, 2010
screw you chuck norris!
from gezwadi
55
alex dearn
// Jan 15, 2010
look out mc hammer. chuck norris CAN touch you.
56
Cheese
// Jan 22, 2010
When the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn’t pushing himself up, he’s pushing the ground down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t write books. the words assemble themselves out of fear.
57
supper man
// Jan 27, 2010
your moms so fat chuck norris cant even roundhouse kick her.
58
eriffrost
// Jan 28, 2010
there was no astoriod that hit the earth mearly a list of animals chuck norris let live
the reason you never see the moon during day is because it is afriad of the sun, the reason you never see the sun at night is because it is afriad of chuck norris.
59
slaveof chucknorris
// Feb 5, 2010
Before Microsoft there was only Chuck Norris’s Mind
60
Death
// Feb 5, 2010
I’m scared of Chuck Norris
61
Chuck Norris
// Feb 5, 2010
I slapped Chuck Norris and am now running for my life.
62
Chuck Norris
// Feb 5, 2010
Gezwadi is now dead
63
Thaseem Matta
// Feb 5, 2010
I recently found out that Chuck Norris Is so awesome that even Def people can hear him coming.
64
Danny
// Feb 5, 2010
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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