Martial arts is one of those rare arenas where people show their true personality, without disguise or pretense. Unfortunately, some of these people are real nut jobs!
Here are three short stories of artifice and cowardice, taken from my experience in the gentle art of Aikido.
One
Two words: sharpened toenails.
That’s right, this character filed each of his toenails into a sharp point. Since nobody walks around barefoot in public, only at home and in the dojo, these weapons were clearly intended for either his family or his fellow students.
I did not practice with him.
Two
I was paired up with this European gentleman who thought himself my senior. I can’t remember his name, so let’s just call him Chuck.
A little background info for those without experience in Japanese martial arts: in the worst dojos, the success or failure of a technique is determined not by skill, but by seniority. When a kohai (junior student) attempts to neutralize a sempai or sensei, they are expected to fail, thereby showing respect for the social hierarchy.
We were not attending a bad dojo; on the contrary, it was probably the best Aikido school in town. But Chuck had acquired some bad habits elsewhere, and wasn’t quite ready to abandon them.
Kaiten Nage
The mat was crowded that evening, and we were only two or three feet from a wall. Chuck and I were practicing throwing techniques. When it was Chuck’s turn to play uke (attacker), I entered and took his balance.
Maybe Chuck found some aspect of my performance unsatisfactory, or maybe he just wanted to put me in my place. (The contemptuous look on his face suggested the latter.) Either way, he disregarded his own vulnerability, and lifted up his leg as if to kick me in the stomach.
The situation was ridiculous. In his unbalanced position, Chuck could barely stand on both legs. And he wanted to pick one up and kick me with it? I didn’t back away to avoid his foot, since it had no power behind it.
I don’t know if the chief instructor noticed the slight smile crossing my face. But she rushed over, stopped us, and reprimanded Chuck. I didn’t toss him headfirst into the wall.
Three
A few years back, I attended an Aikido seminar featuring a 7th dan expert from Japan. Although I didn’t know most of the other attendees, I wasn’t worried about bad behavior. Aikido folks are generally benevolent and well-intentioned.
A few minutes before the seminar, I went off to the corner to do my standard set of warm-up exercises. While other people were doing static floor stretches, I practiced some Fu style swimming dragon movements. One of the senior students saw my exercises, and decided he had to teach me a lesson.
After the seminar started, we were paired up to practice shiho nage. He requested that we practice slowly and carefully, since he was “recovering from brain surgery”. I agreed, and when I applied the technique, I let him fall at his own speed.
Shiho Nage
Illustration by O. Ratti
Then, it was my turn to play uke. I attacked slowly, and he responded in turn, until the last moment. He then applied the shiho nage so viciously that, had my ukemi been anything less than perfect, I would have left the seminar early to go the hospital.
Luckily, my flip was flawless. I stood up and looked at him, uninjured but disturbed by such treachery. “Nice fall,” he sneered.
Four?
Now it’s your turn. What neurotic, psychotic or bizarre individuals have you met during your training? Tell your story, but please don’t identify anyone by name; I don’t need any legal hassles.
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9 responses so far ↓
1
chessman71
// Nov 18, 2006
I was trying out a new teacher a few months back and the teacher paired me off with a karate sensei who was visiting from Hong Kong. This guy new I had experience in xingyi and bagua, but I guess he thought himself my natural superior because of his belt. He didn’t think too much of CMA so I couldn’t figure out why he with this teacher studying long fist and xingyi anyway. But I digress.
We were paired up for throwing practice and bagua shuai jiao skills really paid off. I entered smoothly and immediately threw him nice and soft. He seemed really offended and tried to muscle the throw when it was his turn. But muscling PREVENTED him from doing the technique! In fact, he couldn’t even lift me! I tried in vain to to push myself over his body to help him with the throw but he hadn’t even really taken my balance so I couldn’t throw myself.
He gave up and seemed really pissed. Since it was my turn again, he said he was going to make it as difficult as possible for me to throw him. And he did. When I entered, he wrestled me as hard as he could to prevent me from getting the technique. I got tired of this and kaoed him with my shoulder into the wall. The teacher saw this and came over and told us to take a break.
What arrogance.
2
transit
// Feb 25, 2008
What that aikidoka tried to do to you (3rd incident) was TREACHEROUS! It matches some of my own experiences with aikidokas… it’s funny that aikido seemingly pacifistic, “morally minded” people who take offense so easily. Go figure!
3
Chris
// Feb 26, 2008
Treacherous and diabolical! Gives new meaning to “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.”
4
Indianapolis hospitals
// Aug 5, 2009
Hah the kid with the toenails sounds like my brother!
5
Adam W
// Aug 7, 2009
Diggin’ the thread:) I get a lil sad when I see/hear about people like this.
6
A to the double Z
// Sep 11, 2009
I went into this aikido dojo and started doing my thing with the brown and blacks. Next time I come to class, no one talks to me. Rumor gets back to me that I’m too aggressive so no one likes me.
Multiply that by five and you have my aikido experience after leaving my first apparently too-tough-for-aikido aikido school.
It’s a good art. Too bad it seem that every aikido school is made up of the biggest drama queens on the planet.
7
Chris
// Sep 11, 2009
Yeah. Here’s one for next time:
“Save the drama
for your kami-sama.”
8
Holly
// Feb 24, 2010
Couple years ago I was at a big MA tournament in Texas. One of our newer students invited a casual acquaintance to carpool with him; unfortunately he didn’t know the acquaintance was bugnuts crazy.
This fruitcake was in his 50’s and claimed to have 30+ years of Aikido experience. He was dirty and disheveled and more than a little wild-eyed. He got to the tournament and registered for the fights on Sunday, then spent all day Friday picking fights with the other competitors/exhibitors, in name of “demonstrating” or “sharing techniques.” I personally saw the guy flip a 15-year-old kid to the ground and put a knee on his neck–they were clear across the lobby and I could see the kid’s face turning red, although the teen was being manly about it and pretending it was all very educational. I was halfway across the floor, intending to offer the old goat a kick in the slats (despite the fact that the dude was 100 lbs. heavier than me–I have a little-mean-dog fighting spirit), when the boy’s sensei noticed what was going on and broke it up.
Apparently there were several similar incidents on Friday. On Saturday morning, Old Crazy Guy picked on a Hong Kong native half his age, who reportedly put him on the floor with a single kick. Wish I had seen that one.
Old Crazy Guy promptly went to the registration table and withdrew his entry in the san sou fights. Hong Kong guy went on to win not only first place in the fights, but Grand Champion at Tai chi form. Plus he was my new hero.
9
Paloma13
// Jul 15, 2010
I had the opportunity to visit an aikido dojo and learn from the sensei what a martial artist should not be or do. This guy has control and anger management issues and uses the dojo to display his anger on his students. I left this place and I want to tell you that your first self defense technique should be to listen to your instincts or gut feelings and avoid dangerous situations. Another good advice I want to share with you is the one I got from another martial artist I met later which could be useful for you too: ” A good martial artist should not go looking for fights or even take a small challenge or insult as an excuse to fight. He only fights as a last option, that is when he is physically attacked.” Good luck!!!!!
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