How to Defend Yourself Against Wild Animal Attacks

If you’re being chased by an angry bull, and then you notice you’re also being chased by a swarm of bees, it doesn’t really change things. Just keep on running.

How to Fend Off a Shark

Hit back. If a shark is coming toward you or attacks you, use anything you have in your possession—a camera, probe, harpoon gun, or fist—to hit the shark’s eyes or gills, which are the areas most sensitive to pain. These nose is not as sensitive as these areas.

Make quick, sharp, repeated jabs in these areas. Sharks are predators and will usually only follow through on an attack if they have the advantage, so making the shark unsure of its advantage in any way will increase your chances of survival. Hitting the shark simply tell it that you are not defenseless.

How to Escape From a Mountain Lion

Do not run. The animal most likely will have seen and smelled you already, and running will simply cause it to pay more attention.

Try to make yourself appear bigger by opening your coat wide. The mountain lion is less likely to attack a larger animal. Wave your hands and shout.

Back away slowly or wait until the animal moves away. Do not crouch down. If the lion still behaves aggressively, throw stones.

How to Evade Killer Bees

If bees begin stinging you, do not freeze. Run away. Swatting at the bees will only make them angrier.

If no shelter is available, run through bushes or high weeds. Do not jump into the water—the bees may decide to wait until you surface, and sting you some more.

Bonus Tip: How to Box a Gorilla

Use agile footwork to dodge the gorilla’s powerful strikes. Some gorillas favor wild haymaker punches, which are easily avoided.

Select the proper fighting style. Northern Chinese Kung Fu seems to work best. Wrestling and grappling techniques are largely ineffective in gorilla warfare.

Shark, lion, and bee tips courtesy of the Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook. Deep thoughts courtesy of Jack Handey. Gorilla tips courtesy of “Bruce Lee the Invincible”.