Martial Development

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SlowFlo: The Christian Alternative to Tai Chi?

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38 Comments

Are you feeling run down? Suffering from tired blood? Do encounters with foreign cultures leave you confused and angry?

SlowFlo Tai Chi

If so, then we have a solution for you. It’s called SlowFlo, the Christian alternative to Tai Chi.

Inspired by Chuck Norris, the art of SlowFlo reforms the inscrutable pagan art of Tai Chi Chuan into a safe and guilt-free form of Christian exercise.

The benefits of SlowFlo include limbering of the joints and spinal column, and oxygenation of your whole body, all without challenging your religious and philosophical beliefs.

While all other forms of martial arts were created under demonic influence, SlowFlo strengthens and fortifies your body and soul with the real ultimate power of Jesus.

You will burn calories in a gentle, relaxing way, while performing simple techniques with reassuring names, like “The Iron Pope”, “Lifting the White Man’s Burden”, and “The Chris Farley”.

SlowFlo raises your metabolism for quicker weight loss and more energy–not the evil ki energy of brown and yellow devils, but wholesome Christian energy.

The beautiful movements of Slow Flo are accompanied by scriptural affirmations in All-American Sign Language. Say goodbye to the occult influence of Oriental mantras, mudras, and meditation, and welcome the healing power of SlowFlo exclusively into your heart.

In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo on DVD today.


Slow Flow by WholyFit
Hat tip to The Museum of Idolatry: Artifacts of Apostasy

All kidding aside, the serious question is: what is it about Tai Chi that requires a “Christian alternative”?

Categories: Health and Fitness · Martial Arts Humor · Martial Arts News · Meditation · Philosophy · Reviews · Tai Chi · Video

38 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Pavel // Oct 12, 2010

    What the —- is that?!

  • 2 LS // Oct 12, 2010

    What do they think tai chi is, anyway? Jazzercise?

  • 3 Steve // Oct 12, 2010

    wtf? Okay, I googled this to make sure you didn’t make this up yourself (hilarious post btw, cracked me up).

    But I think you answered your own question. It’s that “pagan”, “Eastern” thing that so upsets the conservative set. God forbid (pun intended) that anyone try to understand Tai Chi as it is and realize you can do the form and get the benefits, while not believing in Taoism or Chi at all.

    I do Qi Gong. I don’t totally buy the whole TCM thing. But I know the exercises do make me feel better. Call it Chi, call it Gods’ divine presence, call it yo gabba gabba. If it’s good, so what?

  • 4 Man of the West // Oct 12, 2010

    Hmmmm. Speaking as a Christian–of the Southern Baptist stripe, if you want to know–and a martial artist (okay, not a very good one, but still…), and as someone who’s written (probably way too dang much) on this subject, I think I can give a very simple but in-the-ballpark answer to this question:

    A pretty fair number of people practicing yoga (especially when they start talking about raja yoga, I am given to understand) and martial arts (some arts more than others) represent themselves as possessing supernatural powers or being in touch, on some level, with the supernatural. Some Christians, including some very highly-placed and otherwise well-informed individuals, simply do not know enough about the subject to realize that the folks so representing themselves may be full of crap, or using archaic language to convey concepts that would be A-Okay if couched in more modern terms, or unable to separate their own personal religious beliefs from the content of the martial art they are teaching, etc. The Christians then naively assume that just because Master So-and-So claims to be able to knock people out by shouting at them, or that the steps in kata correspond to elements of Buddhism (just for example), he must know what he is talking about and telling the truth.

    A trip to Bullshido, of course, is enough to dispel such credulousness, but how many people outside the martial arts community even know it exists?

    People outside the martial arts–not just Christians, but certainly including some Christians–just don’t have the frame of reference that you and your readers possess. Just like if someone moves into town and opens a taekwon-do school and labels it “super karate” (this was done in Tulsa, years ago), they don’t know any better and truly believe that their children are learning “super karate,” if Great Grandmaster Mukluk tells them that he received his art from someone who received it from someone who received it from someone who received it from mountain demons (I forget the Japanese name for mountain demons. Forgive me…), they don’t know any better and might just believe such a cock-and-bull story.

    Just my opinion, of course.

  • 5 Joshua Peacock // Oct 13, 2010

    As long a Christian doesn’t practice the Taoist meditative aspects, there is nothing wrong with Taiji. It’s just an exercise and a martial art like others. Several teachers of taiji don’t believe in taoism or qi at all. How does someone calling a martial arts movement buddha palm or saviour make it religious? Exactly. If the martial art itself is not required for the religion, then the martial art is separate from the religion.

    I am a Christian, a very orthodox protestant as it goes, and I’m not opposed to eastern martial arts, although it is wrong for me to practice their religions. Did not the Israelites do battle? The body can only move so many ways. The people who created SlowFlow are just being superstitious.

  • 6 Pat Robertson // Oct 13, 2010

    SlowFlo is a problem I have every morning. It’s usually corrected after I do “The Wilford Brimley.”

    -PR

  • 7 Mike // Oct 15, 2010

    I copied this review off of Amazon:

    LOVE IT! I have been working out for some time “off and on” but I really admired the principles of what I saw in others exercises, but I didn’t want to compromise my faith as a Christian at the same time. Most of these other exercises were formed around non Christian religions. So basically, I just did without. That was until WholyFit created SlowFlo. PERFECT! This is exactly what I was looking for and I know others will really enjoy and it will even help them rediscover their peace the Lord gives them while staying fit. If you love God, love the peace one gets from such peaceful, yet healthy movement (i.e. my heart rate goes up like I was doing cardio exercise, but I am at rest!) this is for you. There are three different levels and most of all the step by step visual and verbal instructions that can have you mastering such movement in no time. I thank you Laura for taking the time, energy, sacrifice and I know much prayer you gave to make SlowFlo a reality.

  • 8 Liam Boyle // Oct 15, 2010

    If someone’s faith is so weak that just learning a martial art or about another philosophy can shake it, then they had no faith to begin with.

    Slo-Flo is not a needed development.

  • 9 Enuma Elish // Oct 15, 2010

    This is a joke. This post puts anything in this blog in a questionable area.

    This line especialy “In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo on DVD today.”

    We made god our image not otherwise.
    There is no god, no jesus, no devil work. Only us and our thrilling imagination! Even if you are using in a metaphoric way, why use such so easy distorded words?

  • 10 Ninja Training // Oct 16, 2010

    The Pat Robertson comment above has to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen this week!

    Anyway, how crazy. Totally different than something like this.

  • 11 Padawan // Oct 29, 2010

    Haha, these christians always come up with funny jokes.
    Why should one practice a fake internal martial art for christian when they can happily be pagan and do the *real* thing?

  • 12 Fredo // Oct 29, 2010

    To me Tai Chi can not be seperated from taoism which has similiar concepts as yoga and buddhism. The very concept of first joining energy and yielding with ones opponent reminds me of enlightened states where the is no seperation between oneself and others. Similiar exercises are taught in hinduism as a technique for enlightenment. The tai chi exercises themselves are similiar to yoga as it moves energy around in the body could probably trigger kindulini/enlightened type experiences in addition to health. Unfortunately, today tai-chi is rarely taught completely or practiced enough to realize its greater potential.

  • 13 Jimbob // Oct 31, 2010

    Al martial arts are ‘Fake’ Padawan. If folks are put off by the mystical elements embedded in tai chi and want to try something different, why should anyone care? How is slowflo any worse than Taichi? I am an atheist myself, but I have at times felt a very subtle element of religious indoctrination at work in EMA that can be offputting.

    I do not believe in Chi, do not believe in Taoism or Buddhism, do not like the contrived etiquette, pointless formality and empty ritualism you all too often find in EMA. To me martial arts are systems of physics, anatomy and psychology that I practice for fun.

    If Sloflo gets people moving in ways they are comfortable with, then its good. Its the people who cannot understand why something like SloFlo was created who are the narrowminded.

  • 14 Restita // Nov 5, 2010

    Although I had to laugh at this article because it was very amusing, I have to say that as long as people are staying healthy in whatever exercise they want to do, then it is all good.

    I just think its funny that that website even has “alternative Tai Chi music”. What? As if traditional Chinese or Japanese instrumental music is not Christian? :)

  • 15 Rick // Nov 5, 2010

    Hi, well to start I am a Christian. I am also an ordained minister and teach and on the board of a Christian graduate school. I am pretty orthodox and conserative in my theology. That said I also have been in the martial arts for over forty years and studied in Okinawa, Japan and Tai Wan as well. I now teach Tai Chi and Liu He Be Fa as well as have studied Ba Qua all internal Chinese arts. I am sorry slow flow if anything like that little video is junk. Tai Chi is based on actual martial arts not just finger painting like my old Chinese master used to say. By the way He was a Christian as well. The whole ignorance and demon thing was explained pretty well above so I wont go into that. As far as the meditation thing goes Taoist meditation too is fine for Christians as it really does not have anthing to so with the spiritual realm. In the beginning Taoist philosophy was about finding a way to harmonize with nature. When my Sifu asked me if I meditated I said yes and explained the old Christian method of Conteplative prayer. He said so you try and still your mind to the point of no thoughts. I said yes, he then said well that is a western idea of meditiaion, Taoist meditation is about moving Chi, (or the bio electrical energy that runs our bodies) around in side ourselves for health purposes. Tai Chi done correctly is a good martial art, it will help our health and longevity. I can see nothing wrong with that and no one does not have to buy into the Taoist philosophy if they do not want to. I have read so many rediculous articles by Christians on martial arts that it took me a bit to figure out that this one was a joke, and a very good one at that. Christians believe that we are servants of and filled with the Spirit of the Living God, so why are so many of them so afraid?

  • 16 Rick // Nov 5, 2010

    Oh Yeah I forgot, where can I learn the Wilford Brimley it sounds awesome.

  • 17 Tommy // Nov 6, 2010

    “In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo on DVD today.” Yeah and it’s okay for these so called Christians to hang Black people and burned Crosses. The world would be a better place without organize religions! BTW, I was born and raise as a Christian.

  • 18 snakebite // Nov 23, 2010

    simply amazing,

    when you finally think you have seen it all

    slowflow, gotta remember that

    im out, time to release some fists of jesus on the world

  • 19 chris // Nov 23, 2010

    Interesting essay by the former employee of a Christian bookstore, and Christian radio station, and self-described “purveyor of Christian crap and Jesus junk”:

    …So, just why are Christians so gullible? Why are we such easy targets for those simply out to make money? In short, why will we buy any item that has a Bible verse or religious-sounding phrase on it? I can think of at least three reasons…

  • 20 Miriam // Nov 30, 2010

    Thanks for a thought provoking article which is currently being featured in the December Christian Stress Management Blog Carnival at http://www.christianstressmanagement.com/2010/11/december-christian-blog-carnival.html

  • 21 Christian Taoist // Jan 20, 2011

    Slow Flow
    For when your faith is threatened by the way you move.

  • 22 Nick // Jan 20, 2011

    I believe that as long as you dont become detached from God, there is nothing wrong with being Christian-Taoist, they believe in the Way, as a Christian, I know that God and Jesus are the one and only way, but I practice Chinese Boxing and Meditate, and there is nothing wrong with meditation or Qi Gong etc. as long as You dont forget who you are religously. Lao Tzu the founder of Taoism siad”There was something undifferentiated and yet complete,
    Which existed before heaven and earth.
    Soundless and formless, it depends on nothing and does not change. It operates everywhere and is free from danger.
    It may be considered the mother of the universe.
    I do not know its name; I call it Tao. We as Christians see that as God or Jesus Christ.

  • 23 Rick // Jan 20, 2011

    Just thought I would add this. No doubt there are some aspects of Taoism especially those that have come later in years, not so much Lao Tzu’s writing that are not compatble with Christian thought and theology. That said it is interesting that if you look at the first Bibles translated into the Chinese dialects you will find something interesting. In the book of John where it says in the beginning was the Word and the Word with God and the Word was God….you will find the Greek word translated into English as Word (Logos) translated translated into the Chinese dialects as Tao. In fact the word Logos translates better as Tao than Word especially in our later concepts of word.

  • 24 Rick // Jan 20, 2011

    One last thing. I am very tired of less than scuplulous Christians trying to profit from promoting and playing of the fears of other Christians who do not have the understanding or education to figure out the truth in these matters. It happens all the time. I remember people writing books and trying to make money sayng that the incantations in Harry Potter were real and would cause harm if people saw the movies. In reality the incantations were nothing more than bad Latin. But some guy said he was a warlock before being a Christian and he recognized it all. Lying to make a buck and people buy it. This has been going on in the Martial Arts as long as I can remember as well.

  • 25 Albert // Feb 6, 2011

    As a Christian & a Martial Artist(WC)
    I believe People should be Fine so long as they keep Gods Real Ten Commandments
    (the big 10 cover all , not the 8 modified ones , if you search it & compare you will see)

    There is a tendency to slap the words christian on anything now these days making it instantly OK …………in theory!

    I suppose a real christian Kung Fu would be an art were one never retaliated and only ever blocked attacks.

    As are body’s are meant to be a temple unto the lord
    (Which explains why Drink & Drugs are so popular)
    to attack anyone Else’s is an attack on God’s Property.
    Thank you for reading ;)

  • 26 Tyehimba Jahsi // Feb 18, 2011

    Your “advertisement” for SloFit came across as the most disgustingly racist thing I’ve read in quite a while! “Confused and angry” about “encounters with foreign cultures”? “Brown and yellow devils”? You dishonor the Lord Jesus Christ with such racist, xenophobic language. I am a Christian, and I am absolutely offended by your advertisement. Is that what you call “speaking the truth in love”? Disgusting and absolutely UN-Christian!!! Maybe people like you are what the Bible was talking about when it said “The Name of the LORD is blasphemed because of you”!

  • 27 Restita // Feb 18, 2011

    Tyehimba, who are you talking to? If you’re talking to author of the article, you’re sadly mistaken….read the print below the title…one of the tags is “satire” the author was satirizing the feel that the website of the DVD exuded. And I must admit, the website for the article does exude an attitude of “our exercise is better”. the wbsite didn’t have to verbally say the stuff that the author of *this* article did….it was cleverly disguised as Christian exercise on the DVD website.

    And why does the DVD site offer “christian alternative music”? As if Chinese music is bad because it comes from a taoist culture? How presumptuous and discriminatory. You should be talking to real developer of the DVD, NOT the author of this page’s blog.

  • 28 Tyehimba Jahsi // Feb 19, 2011

    Dear Restita. If my comments were misdirected, then I certainly apologize. It was very late, and I was extremely drowsy–and just slightly “relaxed” from a little gin and limejuice. I saw the paragraphs above the little video and I honestly assumed they were written as a promo by the makers of SlowFlo. I didn’t realize they were someone’s racist parody.

  • 29 Restita // Feb 19, 2011

    tyehimba: I guess a little gin and lime juice would have made me comment about the video as you did :). I have nothing to do with the SloFlo video, but I just thought I’d check in to be sure you knew that the satire was an interpretation of what the DVD represented. Personally, I believe that Taiji will not compromise one Christian belief, so I find it odd that the makers of the DVD felt the need to make up an alternative that isn’t even Taiji, just so they would/kt have to practice an art that they apparently believe is against their belief.

  • 30 Nathan // Jun 30, 2011

    I am a Christian (Jesus Christ is my Lord and Master-the Son of God). I have been practicing Tai Chi and other internal arts for twenty years. The caveat with “alternatives” is that-if one thinks something is evil-then why imitate it? We are told not to imitate evil or be conformed to the world. Imitating tai chi and giving it a spiritual twist is not of faith. I believe it is the Spirit in which something is done-upon conviction of the Holy Spirit, which determines the goodness of something, as long as it is rightly discerned in the Bible- not taken out of context. Weight lifting and wrestling came from a pagan Greco-Roman philosophy, mararthon running was named after a Greek runner who proclaimed victory after running 26.6 miles, then dropped dead. Most forms of dance are pagan, etc.

  • 31 Nathan // Jul 2, 2011

    I just want to say-that I commend Rick, who has stuck to his priciples for forty years. I have been looking for a Liu He Ba Fa
    teacher for a long time. The point I was previously making was that there is no Christian-based anything. “It is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart…”
    We are to bind the strong man and plunder his goods, which is anything in this world that does not contradict Scripture morally or spiritually. One may not practice witchcraft, yet one may love nature through nature’s Creator.

  • 32 Daddicus // Sep 2, 2012

    This is rediculous, I’m a follower of Jesus the Christ and I do all sorts of martial arts including chi gong. I think the Tao Te Zhing is really interesting and guess what, i still love Jesus and follow Him. If it goes against what Jesus says, i wont do it. but God gave us chi, therefore, what is wrong with utilizing it? Nothing! Don’t buy into this crap, as long as your not bowing down to an inanimate object, your good.

    Dont stop yourself from learning just because someone tells you that your not a christian if you do something. Do your own research and stop being that close minded Christian everyone is stereotyping you as.

    Peace.

  • 33 bob webb // Feb 17, 2013

    I believe that if you are close to God you will have no problem embracing what is right.Satan will lead you up the garden path if he gets half the chance.Having been a christian for a long time I found myself drawn away to learn Tai chi many years ago.I certainly became healthier and was amazed by the chi energy but as a christian I sensed that God was not that pleased I was learning it.
    The church I belonged to wauld have given no time to Tai Chi and wauld have condemed it.Sadly we live in a world now that teaches all ways lead to God and Tai Chi is quite ok to practice.

  • 34 Paul // Feb 16, 2014

    This gives Christianity a bad name. Are Christians so weak that they cannot take what is offered and leave the rest? Tolerance of others is not a strong point in the history of the Christian faith – even of their own kind (Spanish Inquisition etc)!

  • 35 Jay Heathman // Aug 18, 2014

    It is pathetic that so many people feel the need to show their ignorance and intolerance for anyone who finds a way to fitness that does not coincide with their own limited, narrow minded views. If someone wants to practice a program that they are comfortable with, what is that to the moaners and whiners here? It is sadly ironic that people who would wave their banners for ‘tolerance’ are the most intolerant wretches of all. If you like Tai Ch’i, then do it. If you like Slo-Flo, then do it. Why not just have a nice cup of st*u if you don’t like the methods that others find acceptable?

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