My previous list of top Chuck Norris facts was a surprise hit. Here are a few more of my favorites, from Comrad Ivan Red’s myspace blog:
Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.
And don’t bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t shower—he only takes blood baths.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Chuck Norris won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a 7 of spades and a green UNO card.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
- If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris never opens a can of whoop-ass. He makes his own.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Lightning never strikes twice in the same place, because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Saad // Jan 17, 2007
Ha ha cool, How abput Bruce Lee facts too
2 mike // Aug 7, 2007
chuck norris does not crush cans with his hands he stares at it and it buckles under pressure
3 drew smith // Nov 4, 2007
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get rug burns, Chuck Norris burns rugs.
4 Andy, John, and Ashley // Nov 9, 2007
Chuck Norris is the only person who can wear a fannypack and look like a badass!
5 Becky Tague // Nov 9, 2007
Chuck Norris’ favorite candy is a Jawbreaker.
6 Ben C // Nov 27, 2007
God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s S**T!!
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the F**K down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always!! The only time he didn’t was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
“There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris”
7 tj childers // Dec 15, 2007
chuck norris was having sex and sperm seeped out we know this truc as optimus prime
8 Mojo // Dec 31, 2007
Killer asteroids always miss the earth because once they get close enough to do any damage, they realize Chuck Norris lives here.
Oh, and those meteorites that burn up in the atmosphere? Atmosphere, NUTHIN’. That’s Chuck Norris glaring at them.
9 lyndsey // Mar 26, 2008
***CHUCK NORRIS CAN COOK MINUTE RICE IN 9.8 SECONDS FLAT.
*** CHUCK NORRIS CAN BELEIVE IT’S NOT BUTTER.
*** CHUCK NORRIS CAN KILL YOU WITH A SINGLE EYELASH.
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