How Do You Deal With a Bully?

Big dog, little dog

A Bullying Blog Carnival
At some point in our lives, we’ve all fallen under the predatory gaze of a bully.  Maybe you’ve suffered some verbal harassment or minor physical abuse.  Or, if yours was a severe case, you may have been physically and emotionally crippled.  Hopefully, you managed to learn something from the experience.  Will you share it with us?

How have you dealt with bullying and social dominance rituals, at school, in the workplace, or elsewhere?  Were your responses effective?  Do you have any prevention tips for the rest of us?  I invite you to write a comment below—or a post on your own blog—about your bullying and harassment trials.

Two weeks from now, I’ll write up a summary of your stories and strategies (with links to your blogs). Thanks for your participation.

14 comments on “How Do You Deal With a Bully?”

  1. I was bullied a bit when I was a kid, and I can’t really say that anything helped or solved the problems long term. Yeah, you could tell the teacher, but never did that end up enacting real change. Try standing up for yourself, and they’ll often come back with superior numbers. Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away, either.

    I guess the best way that worked for me was to develop a sense of humor. Joking along with them made me a bit more amiable, especially if I deflected heat onto someone else. I don’t know if this is the most socially or ethically acceptable solution, however.

  2. I know how it feels being only 5’5” and being skinny doesn’t help, in school I took up football and played tackle thats when I realized I could hit these guys who picked on me legally and it felt good. I even hit harder and harder every time that I got to skrimage then I left school joined the Navy it happened there also but not as much, now I’m in the martial arts and I just let roll off of me and just laugh it off and keep going what a change the martial arts have made.

  3. I wish I’d known about it. I think I have something on my sidebar about this (but might have taken it down). Anyway, this is a nice blog you have here. Keep up the great work.

  4. hi, I have just posted a Blog today called ‘Who let the dogs out’. It is about minority bullying within the gay community. It is light hearted as that is how I approach subjects, but hopefully you’ll find it interesting. I think what you are doing is a good thing and I look forward to hearing more about it. I have included one paragraph from the blog below.

    ‘I had a friend who was a serial bully. She was devious and manipulative and would intentionally seek the emotionally needy to work her magic on. She had a split personality that fooled even the most intelligent. Her technique was to make you a nice home-cooked meal one night then sleep with your date the next. When being the brunt of her jokes affected my life and self esteem I walked away. Yes, she did what all child bullies do, she spread rumours and turned friends against me. She still has her pack, they sit in bars looking intimidating and bitching about those they are jealous of…..

  5. what a great idea! and when it’s done, maybe you can contribute it to the carnival of sexual violence, i think that would be a great addition.

  6. I’ve been bullied by a guy who’s 5 ft. and 5 inches tall in school but I’m only 5 ft. 2 i. tall and I can’t fight how will ideal with him since I’m short.

  7. In Grade school I was beaten on a regular basis (weekly) and harassed verbally (daily) by most of my class mates. My teachers; rather than stop it saw the chance to make “collectivist” lessons out of the situation and often participated in the daily intimidation and humiliation. This lasted through High School with the added features of “bullies” stealing and vandalizing my personal stuff. Eventually I became a very violent and dangerous kid. Then the same types of people who had beset me in the past acted so very innocent and began harass me using the system (school, legal; et al…). The neighborhood kids (out of school) were ambivalent toward my plight; and as I grew more desperate for help they too turned on me. At home; an overwrought and unstable parent blamed me for most of life’s woes and also beat / psychologically abused me. The one remaining sibling had no patience for me and was just trying to survive herself; while the older siblings had escaped to their own lives. I suffered badly and often planned suicide [even tried it once in fifth grade]. I abused inhalants and anything else I could get my hands on. Eventually I lied about my troubled past and as a young man got into the USAF. They helped me slowly set myself aright and I served for nine years. Now as a middle aged man; I have found Messianic Judaism and have a wonderful wife and children. The ONLY defense against bullies is parents and siblings who are willing to defend you; even if that means jail time. Arm yourselves in whatever way you can and stick by your children and siblings, everything else somebody will tell you are crap!

  8. In grade school, I was beaten up constintly. My parents even bully me with names, and threats and violence. Im not going to lie , i really dont like talking about any of this. Its very hard for me. This one girl in my buisness law class even bullies me. She stole my agenda so now I cant even use the bathroom, so everyday in class i ask my teachers if i can go to the bathroom and they all say the same thing , NO!!. Im just so scared that one day im going to have an acident and p in my pants because of Bourtney Joole. She even hits me, and puts her feet in my face. I have also learned that sometimes you just got to close your eyes and go to a happy place but it doesnt always work, can someone please help me. S.O.S.

  9. well i know what it feels like because i have 2 people who bully me every day both of the boys bully me they call me names their ames is bruce and kenny.and 2 girls bullied me they put makeup in my bookbag and say i need to use it they say im ugly thet stoped their name is sierra destinebut they stopped but the boys r still bullying me what should i do?

  10. Hi from Debbie Dunn. I am the School Conflict Resolution Examiner for Examiner.com. I taught conflict resolution to middle school students for five years (1998 to 2003) until a budget-cut ended the program. I post free stories, role-plays, articles, and lesson plans on bullying and conflict resolution at the following link: http://www.examiner.com/x-16041-School-Conflict-Resolution-Examiner. Perhaps some of these articles and stories might help some of your readers. They are all FREE. Best wishes to you and your readers. Debbie Dunn

  11. Bullying is a serious problem and one which parents need be aware. Listen to what your child has to say, being a good listener is an important piece of your role when your child is being bullied. Most important thing parents can do is help build a strong sense of self and help your child feel good about himself by finding something he can do well. I would like to share this link, about a service on how you can protect your children. You might find it interesting: http://safekidzone.com

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