Excerpted from The Master Method: Four Steps to Success, Prosperity and Inner Peace by Master Marco Sies

Growing up, I experienced difficulties and personal conflict that I’ve worked very hard to overcome. Some of these struggles stemmed from negative influences and people who told me I wasn’t good enough…I was inferior…I wasn’t smart…I was too poor, too small, too unattractive to make anything of myself. I was told so many negative things so often, I actually spent many years believing these things were true.

Very small for my age, I was a dark-skinned boy living n a not-yet diversified [Chilean] population where light skin was admired and favored. At school, little girls told me I was ugly, and the boys bullied me relentlessly. I remember being thrown headfirst into a trashcan, and the humiliation of a group of boys whipping me with their neckties and making me run like a horse while they laughed. Even some of my relatives made hurtful comments…

Some of those negative childhood experiences stayed with me well into adulthood. I now understand that these experiences were necessary to help me identify what I didn’t want for myself…

By the age of five or six, I already had a fascination with kickboxing, persistently pleading with my dad to show me moves and “train” me. Although I wanted to be a great fighter, no one took this undersized boy seriously, and especially one who had his head buried in philosophy books most of the time.

A New Determination

When I was 15, an exhibition by world champion kickboxes Bill “Superfoot” Wallace in my hometown changed the course of my life. I was awed by his power, mastery and discipline, and I decided that very night I wanted to become a world champion. I would train and learn and work harder than anyone ever had and let nothing stop me from reaching my goal. When I shared my thoughts with others, they scoffed and laughed at me, but once my decision was made, I began to make my plan.

I began working every job I could find to earn even the smallest amount of money [for training]. I washed dishes, helped people carry groceries to their cards, I swept floors, and I even walked several miles to and from school so I could save my bus money. I was determined to accomplish my goal, and I knew this was going to help me get closer to it. Small opportunities began to fall into my path, and eventually, I was able to find work at a martial arts school cleaning floors, bathrooms and mirrors. I never looked at these duties as beneath me, but rather as an opportunity.

This first martial arts job allowed me to train and improve my martial arts and kickboxing skills, and after a couple of years of relentless, grueling work, I proudly became the Chilean National Champion. I was only eighteen years old, and it was an enormous achievement. I maintained my title fro the next three years, but my eyes were still on the world title…I knew I had to go to Europe or the United States.

Coming to America

I arrived in America with $40, a couple pairs of pants and shirts, some music tapes and my martial arts uniforms. I settled into an ambitious routine, working as a cleaner late at night, delivering newspapers in the early morning hours and still training at every opportunity.

We would often drive all night to get to an event and then go straight to the weigh-in. I would fight and we would drive straight back home because hotel accommodations weren’t in the budget.

The world of kickboxing is a tough business, with purses going mostly to the promoters and the actual fighter taking the physical punishment for only $200 or $300. In those early years, I met people who promised me training, fights and other “deals,” but I didn’t understand anything about contracts, and was so green I assumed no one would be unethical or have bad intentions.

At one point, I was convinced to travel to California with the promise of big money for just a couple of fights. I spent two months there and never got paid a dime. I returned to the East with nothing–no job, no money and no place to live.

At this low point, I found myself homeless, and I didn’t know where my next meal would come from.

Despite these major setbacks I never lost faith. I was so focused on becoming a world champion…without knowing why, I was accepting everything I experienced as part of my journey. In hindsight, I realize each trial gave me the knowledge and tools I need to become a kickboxing world champion.

Within a few months I was back on my feet, and even though I had to work even hard to sustain myself, I didn’t worry. I couldn’t afford a boxing gym, but I found an old couch near a dumpster, took the cushions off, tied them to a tree, and that became my punching bag. I trained in the parking garage at a local mall, running up and down the stairs, and I ran sprints in a local park. I used all the creative means I could think of to continue my training every single day in hot sun, rain or snow…

Continued in The Master Method: Four Steps to Success, Prosperity and Inner Peace by Marco Sies.

The Best

Bodyguards and Assassins
Winner: 2010 Hong Kong Film Award, Best Film

Bodyguards and Assassins [IMDB rating: 6.9/10]
Starring Donnie Yen, Nicholas Tse, Cung Le

14 Blades [IMDB rating: 6.3/10]
Starring Donnie Yen, Sammo Hung, Zhao Wei

Ip Man 2 [IMDB rating: 7.6/10]
Starring Donnie Yen, Darren Shahlavi, Sammo Hung

Ip Man 2

Ong Bak 3 [Amazon Blu-ray, DVD] [Netflix] [IMDB rating: 4.4/10]
Starring Tony Jaa

Reign of Assassins [IMDB rating: 7.0/10]
Starring Michelle Yeoh

Black Dynamite [Amazon] [Netflix] [IMDB rating: 7.4/10]
Starring Michael Jai White, Arsenio Hall

Black Dynamite

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen [IMDB rating: 6.2/10]
Starring Donnie Yen, Shu Qi

True Legend [IMDB rating: 6.3/10]
Starring Man Cheuk Chiu, Michelle Yeoh

The Karate Kid [Amazon Blu-ray, DVD] [Netflix] [IMDB rating: 6.2/10]
Starring Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith

The Rest

And these are some of the martial arts films I didn’t see, mixed in with a few I do not care to recommend…

• 12 with Mark Strange
• Avatar: The Last Airbender
• Beatdown
• Born to Raise Hell with Steven Seagal
• Circle of Pain with Kimbo Slice
• City Under Siege with Collin Chou, Wu Jing, Shu Qi
• Damage with Steve Austin
• A Dangerous Man with Steven Seagal
• Dragonball: Evolution
• Game of Death with Wesley Snipes
• Ip Man, The Legend Is Born with Ip Chun
• Jackie Chan, Kung Fu Master with Jackie Chan (but just barely!)
• Kung Fu Chefs with Sammo Hung
• Kung Fu Hip-Hop 2
• Kung Fu Master with Yuen Biao
• Legend of the Tsunami Warrior with Dan Chupong
• Little Big Soldier with Jackie Chan
• Martial Spirit
• Mulan with Zhao Wei
• Never Surrender
• Ninja with Scott Adkins
• Ninja Assassin with Rain
• Ninja’s Creed
• Undisputed 3: Redemption with Scott Adkins

Which of these was your favorite?

What styles of martial arts are performed on The LXD?

In Episode 2, AntiGravity Heroes, Jimmy and Justin perform a dazzling set with elements of parkour, XMA, and modern wushu. Although the term wushu technically refers to Chinese martial arts in general, the term is most commonly applied these days to theatrical renditions of the arts, tuned for artistic performance rather than for direct combat application.

Performing these elaborate aerial and gymnastic maneuvers is also known as tricking. At the end of AntiGravity Heroes, Jimmy Angel practices with a chain whip.

While the popping and isolations demonstrated by Madd Chadd in Robot Lovestory (Episode 3) are not directly inspired by martial arts, these skills are somewhat analogous to advanced levels of the arts, wherein students must learn to move each individual joint correctly for the creation of a unified and coherent force.

In Episode 5, Lettermakers Z and Dante represent krumping as a fighting style. Some elements of their sparring match bear resemblance to the Brazilian art of Capoeira.

In season 2 of The LXD, dancers start learning to focus and channel their inner energy, in order to project it outside of their bodies. This is actually a long-established and controversial topic within the martial arts community.

Is it possible to project energy outside the human body?

Although nearly everyone has an opinion on this question, very few people have any relevant knowledge or experience. In Chinese, the skill of projecting energy for martial purposes is called ling kong jing, or empty force.

There are specific and rigorous exercises involved in the cultivation of empty force. It is not, and never was the automatic result of earning a black belt in any style of kung fu, as both skeptics and charlatans often imagine. For more information on the subject, please consult the book Empty Force by Paul Dong and Thomas Raffill.

Are chi, auras, chakras and “Ra” really all the same thing?

No.

What is a bo staff?

Bo is simply a Japanese word for staff. A traditional wooden bo is six feet long (in contrast to the four-foot Jo), and is used in a variety of Japanese and Okinawan martial arts, including Karate and Aikido. The staff is a popular weapon in martial arts of other countries as well, where it may be referred to by another name.

Do martial arts boarding schools still exist today?

Yes. Some schools and teachers will accept a handful hard-core students for an intensive program, wherein they literally live at the dojo, attending every class, and practicing before and afterward as well. In Japanese, these students are known as uchideshi, or “indoor disciples”.

There are many kungfu schools near Shaolin Temple in China that accept foreign students, for a stay of months or years. However, these schools are mostly tailored for children and young adults, and the quality of instruction is not necessarily any better than you would find in a major American city. (For more information on Shaolin training today, watch the documentary The Real Shaolin.)

Dr. Yang Jwing-Ming, a well-known author and master of Chinese martial arts, runs a retreat center in California. Visitors and students have committed to instructional programs lasting as long as ten years.

Why do martial artists wear colored belts?

Although the history of martial arts spans several centuries, the practice of wearing colored belts was not introduced until the early 1900s. First adopted in Japanese Judo, the practice has since spread to other arts, as the number of belt colors (and belt stripes) has proliferated.

Today, proponents and opponents of the belt system each have their reasons, their myths, and their rationalizations. To some, each belt is an important milestone–a concrete accomplishment in an otherwise subjective and neverending journey towards mastery. To others, they represent nothing more than an opportunity to wheedle frequent belt promotion fees from gullible student customers (or their parents).

According to a popular martial arts myth, a black belt is simply a white belt that its hardworking wearer never washed after years of arduous training. This is a disgusting fabrication–unwashed belts do not only get dirty, they also get sweaty and stinky, and without proper care, possibly even moldy. Following another story, the first white belt represents innocence, the second yellow belt represents the dawning of knowledge, the third orange belt signifies the ascendance of progress, and so on; this is a viewpoint without historical precedent, and a matter of personal opinion.

Even today, many schools and styles of martial arts have never adopted any belt system.

In Mark of the Ox, Jimmy Angel is assaulted by a tweaked-out gang, as an initiation ritual into Organization X. What initiation rituals, if any, exist in martial arts?

It is not unusual for a new shodan (first degree black belt) to be attacked by all the other members of the school–individually, or even all at once. The sparring, or fighting, is done at less than full intensity.

There are other lineage practices that are not discussed in public.

This guide will be updated as the series progresses. Add your questions and comments below.

If so, then we have a solution for you. It’s called SlowFlo, the Christian alternative to Tai Chi.

Inspired by Chuck Norris, the art of SlowFlo reforms the inscrutable pagan art of Tai Chi Chuan into a safe and guilt-free form of Christian exercise.

The benefits of SlowFlo include limbering of the joints and spinal column, and oxygenation of your whole body, all without challenging your religious and philosophical beliefs.

While all other forms of martial arts were created under demonic influence, SlowFlo strengthens and fortifies your body and soul with the real ultimate power of Jesus.

You will burn calories in a gentle, relaxing way, while performing simple techniques with reassuring names, like “The Iron Pope”, “Lifting the White Man’s Burden”, and “The Chris Farley”.

SlowFlo raises your metabolism for quicker weight loss and more energy–not the evil ki energy of brown and yellow devils, but wholesome Christian energy.

The beautiful movements of Slow Flo are accompanied by scriptural affirmations in All-American Sign Language. Say goodbye to the occult influence of Oriental mantras, mudras, and meditation, and welcome the healing power of SlowFlo exclusively into your heart.

In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo on DVD today.

Slow Flow by WholyFit
Hat tip to The Museum of Idolatry: Artifacts of Apostasy

All kidding aside, the serious question is: what is it about Tai Chi that requires a “Christian alternative”?

A video camera is an essential tool for exploring your own posture and movement habits. It speeds you along the path to your own ideal performance, by capturing and exposing your mistakes. The camera sees what you cannot, even with the help of a partner and a full-length mirror. It is the next best thing to constant corrections from a master instructor.

Since I can’t afford a live-in Kung Fu master, I decided to buy a camcorder. After reading some mixed reviews for the popular Flip Video models, I chose the Kodak Playsport Zx3 instead.

The Playsport is a great value at a low price. It records in Full HD (unlike the Flip); it supports external memory cards up to 32GB in size; it has a removable battery pack (good for nearly 60 minutes of recording); it takes 5MP still photos; it is waterproof (up to 10 feet); it has an anti-glare screen, digital zoom and electronic image stabilization features; USB and HDMI ports, so you can connect it to your computer, or directly to your TV; bundled video editing software; tripod mounting socket; and it fits nicely in your pocket or your hand.

And all cables are included in the box. You get all this for an MSRP of $150–and it’s even cheaper on Amazon today. Did I mention it can record in 720p at 60FPS? Yeah, it does that too. Motion shot at 60 frames per second is twice as smooth, on playback, as even the finest instructional DVDs.

Other users have complained about less-than-perfect image quality in 1080p Full HD mode, but it looks good enough to me. Here is a screen capture from a video I took in Seattle’s Carkeek Park, featuring ten thousand rustling leaves.

Click to view Full HD image (4MB)

If you’ve shot any video of your martial arts practice lately, with this or any other camcorder model, please feel free to post the URL in the comments section below.

Mark Nesti is not your average New Age flake. After five years’ service with a recon/sniper cell in the Australian army, his career shifted into helicopter testing and maintenance, emergency communications, and business development. When he eventually began to explore the fields of theoretical physics and alternative therapies, his broad engineering mindset granted him a unique perspective.

Mark wrote a book about his exploration and research into quantum mechanics, meditation, chi, and consciousness. He isn’t promising you a new car or a diamond necklace in return for your fealty, but you may find his work rewarding in other ways. Mark recently sent me a few words regarding his personal inspiration and investigation, which I share with you below.

—

Perhaps, in some measure, modern society has lost regard for nature, in a divine sense, or otherwise. If true, this can only be attributed to a loss of spirit within the individual. In an attempt to define the connection between science and spirituality, between the observer and the included, I hope that spirit will be reunited.

I would like to share with you a personal experience of just how powerful some types of meditation can be. Many of you already know that there are many forms of meditation, from practices which are designed to energize and relax, all the way to practices aimed at raising awareness, and some with the specific goal of raising the levels of Chi (accumulations called Kundalini) within the human system. I am of the belief that western society, in a general sense, is not yet ready to tackle the more advanced forms of meditation. My reasoning is that, as a culture, we have not yet been exposed to this type of practice as a part of our daily activities. Furthermore, we have not been raised from children with such disciplines integrated within our daily lives. You will see what I mean as we progress.

Several years ago, my partner and I brought over an Indian meditation teacher to conduct courses at our wellness centre and alternative therapy training institute; this became a regular event and one which attracted many students. One type of meditation he conducted, Dhyan, is a practice originally designed to promote prolonged awareness. However, the ancient Indian Hindu yogis referred to this particular meditation in a more appropriate manner: “the practice of dying”. I personally find this is an appropriate description.

I remember my experience very clearly: after going through the sequence of steps laid out within the practice, I began sweating and breathing as though I were exercising quite heavily (at the time I was cycling competitively so fitness wasn’t an issue). Shortly thereafter, my hearing began to diminish and my sensory world began to close in on itself. Soon I lost my sense of taste, smell, most of my hearing and any feeling coming into my body, so the painfully numb feeling throughout my legs I would normally experience during meditations was no longer there. I remember the experience from this point quite vividly–for reasons which will become obvious.

I felt as though my entire body was slowly being immersed in a dense liquid like liquid metal. It eventually became so dense that it felt like a vise, crushing me, and that at any moment my body would give in and collapse. Accompanying this was an intense medium-to-high frequency vibration. Initially faint, it gradually built up to such strength that I thought I was actually going to die. It was like no experience or situation I have known. It was painful but I couldn’t withdraw from it. I was stuck, mentally still and without any thoughts, but very conscious and fully aware of my predicament.

Eventually, after perhaps 15-20 minutes, I heard a faint chime, a small gong with a particular frequency so as to make meditators aware that their session is ending. The frequency is said to assist in the process of shifting from a meditative state to an awakened state. However, the chime did little but make me aware that I was unable to do much at all. It was as though I was locked in a safe and being dropped into the ocean: pretty grim. Somehow, and to this day I have no idea how, I was able to restart my thinking, and slowly crawl out from wherever I had strayed. Eventually I was able to open my eyes with the realization that the experience was actually going to end.

For the next three to four days, I felt as though I had concussion. I was well aware I was not able to think properly and was in a daze most of the time. I believe what I had experienced firsthand was OM, the divine frequency and sound of creation according to ancient Hindu scriptures. Yogis experience the many frequencies of OM within meditation regularly, but unlike them, I was not acclimatised to the experience. More appropriately, I had not yet earned the right to the experience. In hindsight, I look back on this as though I were a child, toying around with a gun I had found. Without knowledge, appreciation and training on the device which has powerful effects, it was a recipe for disaster.

Although I am not sure, I feel and believe that the experience left me with some lasting effect. Not long after this experience, I was able to identify key features, and bring together a theory on consciousness in particle physics; the linking of frequency to purpose. In my book, I aim to describe the inner workings of OM, the divine vibration that created the cosmos, and the coordinator of all activity.

About the book

It is not my aim to provide proof that the energy which alternative science talks about and utilises to great effect is a natural phenomenon within our universe. My aim is to put forward a plausible theory that both aligns itself to modern scientific understanding of the universe and conforms to the characteristics of Chi as viewed by spirituality. Additionally, it is my belief that Chi is not an impulsive force but a subtle and cumulative activity. A measure of its affects on the physical world can be found in many areas of modern and ancient society, such as alternative therapies.

Before we embark on this journey it may be pertinent to touch on just how special the universe is. Not all is as it seems. For instance, what keeps us pinned down to the earth is the force of gravity. However, preventing us from being pulled to the centre of the earth is matter itself. What is gravity, and what is matter?

Gravity is still an illusive mechanism: it has proven to be a worthy adversary to scientists and philosophers for eons. Einstein’s theory of general relativity shows us that gravity is the warping of space and time, often referred to as the spacetime continuum but to this day we still do not know how gravity actually works. How is the force carried, what carries it, and is it even a force to begin with? There are many theories but no conclusive evidence has been forthcoming.

Another surprise in the working of the universe is how matter interacts. For instance, if you were to touch both of your index fingers together and push a little, you should feel the left finger being pushed by the right and vice versa. The reality here is that the fingers themselves are not actually touching. What’s happening is that the electrons associated with each finger are repelling electrons of the opposite finger. Stranger still is that even the electrons don’t actually touch, they interact using the electromagnetic force carrier, the photon–a packet of light–so what’s preventing your fingers from touching, and preventing you from being pulled to the centre of the earth, is the exchange of light! When you go for a swim in a pool or at the beach, you are moving through the water by controlling the interactions of electrons using light. That being said, even today we don’t truly know what light is. In the extreme scenario, some of our most prominent scientists and philosophers agree that we have only scratched the surface of the structure of reality…

Continued in If We Are Anything: OM, Chi, Consciousness and Quantum Gravity by Mark Nesti.

For millenia, people have tried to reach a spiritual promised land by fasting. Jesus did it. The Buddha did it. Monks and saints and new age gurus have done it. And now, on the radio, This American Life contributor David Rakoff tries it. He does a 20-day fast, to find out if it brings him any form of enlightenment.

That was the official summary for this week’s episode of This American Life. Here is my unofficial summary:

David Rakoff does a twenty-day detox juice fast*, hoping for a quick glimpse of enlightenment. Other than his special diet and enema regimen, David does not follow any other guidelines that might define fasting as a spiritual practice, as prescribed by real spiritual experts. Instead, he reads the New York Times, rides the subway, and otherwise continues to lead his normal everyday life–to the extent possible, between his extended time on the toilet, and chopping and boiling vegetables for the fast.

Feeling depressed and dejected halfway through his juicy ordeal, having failed to meet his poorly founded expectations, David asks a doctor to condemn the entire field as pseudoscience. Convinced that his fasting guru has started to hate him, he muddles through to the end of the twenty-day period, with just enough energy to compare his trials to those of Jesus and the Buddha, and to conclude that his time might have been better spent talking to a therapist.

For the full story, you can tune in this weekend, or download the podcast, or read the published version in Don’t Get Too Comfortable.

The difference between fasting for weight loss and detoxification, and fasting as a spiritual cultivation method is discussed in William Bodri’s How to Measure and Deepen Your Spiritual Realization.

* I strongly suspect David used the 20-day “Scientific Juice Fasting” program from Dennis Paulson’s Fasting Center International–www.fasting.com.

There are seventy thousand Jedi knights in Australia. Four hundred thousand in England and Wales. In New Zealand, Jedi is the second most popular religious affiliation, ahead of Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and most everything else. So concluded the official 2001 census in each of these countries.

It is unclear how many respondents were serious about their Jedi faith, but their governments did not take them seriously. Tallies were ignored or reclassified, and citizens were threatened with fines for providing “false or misleading” information.

So it is forbidden. Religions may not originate in movies–at least not in movies of Star Wars mediocre quality. But with the unprecedented critical and commercial acclaim of the hit film Inception, some of the formerly irreligious are reportedly inspired to worship again.

Let’s take a (mostly spoiler-free) look at Inception’s spiritual and religious themes:

• Dom Cobb once offered his skills in service to the rich and powerful. Having failed to satisfy them completely, he placed his own life in danger. Cobb now lives in exile.
• Cobb has money and power of his own, enough to guarantee worldly comforts, but it does not satisfy him. What Cobb truly desires, and would give everything to achieve, is a reunion.
• Reunion seems unattainable. Nevertheless, Cobb is inspired to take a leap of faith. There is no proof that the work can be done, but he is finally resolved to try.
• In order to complete his task, Cobb must first enter an extremely deep state of relaxation. Through his prior education and training, Cobb knows that the seeds planted within this state will bear fruit in normal waking life.
• Within this near-death experience, Dom Cobb finds himself under attack. Some of his attackers are projections of his own subconscious mind, and others originate elsewhere. These demons manifest themselves within a dream state, and although they are not “real”, they are nevertheless capable of thwarting his progress.
• Cobb has prepared himself well for the challenges that lie ahead. With the support of his teachers and companions, he is now capable of entering dreams within dreams within dreams.
• Cobb is not the owner of these dream worlds, he is only a temporary inhabitant. Nevertheless he can access extraordinary powers and privileges within them, because unlike most of the natives, Cobb fully realizes that he is asleep!
• At the same time, Cobb is fully awakened with respect to individual dream worlds, which he is therefore capable of entering and leaving at will. The sensation of jumping back into the real world–or the realer world, or perhaps the merely different world–is similar to leaving free fall.
• Cobb discovers these worlds can be seductive. Although he enjoys visiting them, even for decades at a time, he never feels quite as comfortable there as in his old home.

Does this sound like the foundation for a new cult religion? Or, do you think it sounds like a religion that already exists?

In a recent episode of their hit Showtime series, stage magicians Penn Jilette and Raymond Teller warn viewers away from the universally fraudulent field of martial arts. Now a real expert martial artist rescues us from their half-baked debunkings.

For their own convenience, Penn and Teller divide the world of martial arts into three categories: traditional, mystical, and murderous. During the show, they interview and mock one representative from each category:

• Mike Reeves, of Powerhouse Karate, in Apopka, Florida
• Dena Saxer, of Mantak Chia‘s Universal Healing Tao in Los Angeles, CA
• Damian Ross, of The Self Defense Company, in Saddle River, NJ

To support their otherwise meritless position, Penn and Teller rely on Marc MacYoung of No-Nonsense Self Defense. Although MacYoung is presented as a skeptical outsider here, he is actually the best known of these four, and is highly regarded within the martial arts community.

Having introduced the litigants, let us now review the case. Assistance is provided by a handy Truth-o-Meter, which I borrowed from the St. Petersburg Times.

While facing a mugger with a gun, Penn and Teller say:

If we had invested in martial arts training, we could try to go all Bruce Lee on their asses. But a few years ago, we did the arithmetic, and we figured that Karate lessons–even kids’ Karate lessons–would cost us a grand or more a year, for each of us. And the hours we spent in class, and driving to the dojo, and practicing and sweating and bowing and Fuck that! We have a better, cheaper, and less risky self-defense system. [Penn hands over his wallet and watch.]

Throughout the episode, Penn Jilette uses the terms “martial arts” and “self-defense” interchangeably, despite the fact that his own sources (Ross and MacYoung) insist otherwise. Self-defense is one of many possible benefits of martial arts training; performance varies with the student and the school.

Exercise is another benefit. According to our 2009 survey, average monthly martial arts tuition is around 80 dollars per month: this is comparable to a standard health club membership, if you include a short monthly coaching session with a personal trainer.

Penn Jilette advises that obedience is a better self-defense solution. This may be true in the case of a simple mugging, and most martial arts instructors would agree. As for dealing with the threat of rape or violent assault…don’t ask a six-foot-six, 270 pound Hollywood millionaire.

When outlining the content of the show, Penn Jillette says:

What we won’t be seeing much of are headlines like these: “Purse Snatcher Stopped by Passing Dojo Student”, “Rapist Thwarted by Black Belt Woman,” et cetera. Sure these stories exist, they must, but with all the people taking all these martial arts classes, shouldn’t we see these headlines all the time?…None of us could remember [seeing] a story like this in the news; when it happened, wouldn’t every dojo send out a press release?

As a former columnist for PC Magazine, Penn ought to know how and why these headlines appear, and why they do not appear more often: an exceptional sequence of events is required. First, a crime must be committed against someone who “knows” martial arts well enough to apply them under pressure (but not well enough to actually prevent or avoid the crime). Second, either the victim or a bystander must report this crime to the police. Third, the victim must specifically demonstrate or reference their “martial arts ability” (instead of attributions to luck or athleticism) for the report. Fourth, a media organization must observe this, and decide it is a newsworthy event.

When a martial artist stops a crime before it has even started, there is no headline. Martial arts help us to avoid becoming a victim, by teaching us to stop acting like a victim. As Geoff Thompson has explained, few criminals are interested in trying their luck against a hard target.

When a crime goes unreported, there is no headline. On those few occasions when I’ve been personally assaulted, I never bothered to call the police. A good friend of mine was attacked by a gang and stabbed in the gut, and he didn’t call the police either–as he recalled, it was just a light stabbing, and filing a report wasn’t worth the hassle. This happens all the time.

When a martial artist keeps their mouth shut, there is no headline. Most are taught to exercise discretion–either out of humility, or to avoid challenge matches and unwarranted scrutiny from law enforcement. As an innocent victim, nobody will demand to know why you hit back; as a self-identified martial artist, you may be expected to turn cartwheels around your attackers, and punished for anything less.

When the story isn’t compelling or advertiser-friendly, there is no headline. This last point warrants no further explanation.

Penn Jilette helpfully translates,

“Dojo” is Japanese for “storefront in strip mall”.

OK, this is mostly true.

Dena has been teaching the ancient Chinese practices of Chi Kung and Tai Chi ever since the powers of chi healed her osteoporosis. That’s what she said. We don’t know why she’s here on Showtime, rather than presenting her double-blind study on the curing of osteoarthritis through Chi Kung to the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Dena is not presenting to the AMA because this is a settled issue. The safety and efficacy of Qigong as an arthritis treatment is well established, in theory and practice. Common objections, that the theory is not acceptable and the observed results are unimportant, fail to impress this writer–or the many practitioners who have found relief through these practices.

Before providing his opinion of Qigong, Penn Jilette should first learn how to pronounce it correctly. If this is prohibitively difficult, he could instead browse the 3000 search results in PubMed (assuming that he can spell it correctly).

Dismissing the effectiveness of Tai Chi Chuan, Penn Jilette says:

And this is going to repel an attacker? Maybe if he’s afraid of French mimes.

After mislabeling martial arts as systems of self-defense, who have Penn and Teller selected to test the fighting capacity of Tai Chi? An elderly female theatre major, whose primary interest lies in the therapeutic aspects of the art. Sacrebleu!

If nothing else, this decision explains the title for their TV series. It is also a wasted opportunity; I would have paid good money to see Penn attempt a hands-on investigation of Chen Bing, or any of a hundred other masters who take fighting applications seriously.

Marc MacYoung explains the significance of belts in the martial arts,

It turns out there has never been a accepted standard for what a black belt means, or any other color belt for that matter. Simply put, martial arts is a business, and the belts are its primary product…For two or three thousand dollars, not including belt testing fees, equipment fees, and all these other hidden fees, you can get a black belt in one year, guaranteed.

This is standard practice in modern, commercial schools. It is far from universal, however. Note that of the four martial arts experts on this show, only one of them actually awards belts!

After learning that senior students not only assist in teaching, but also mop the floors and change the light bulbs in Mike Reeves’ dojo, Penn complains:

“Wait a second, that’s like paying your gym membership to scrub the showers. But this isn’t unique to Mike’s dojo. This is all dojos around the country…What’s the Japanese word for suckers?”

The word in question is giri, and it can be translated as “obligation”. Unlike colored belts, this practice does have a historical precedent. Giri generally includes, but is not limited to basic dojo maintenance duties.

The plain fact is that if students will not perform these simple tasks, they must pay for someone else to do it. Veteran students tend to give their dojo as much respect as their own home, and if sweeping the floor is not exactly an honor, it is hardly a punishment either.

Responding to Damian Ross’ bluster, that producing killer students makes him proud, Penn and Teller declare,

According to the legal definition of self-defense, ‘A person must use no more force than appears reasonably necessary in the circumstances.’ Otherwise Damian, your students are looking at manslaughter charges.

The standards for legally permissible self-defense vary by jurisdiction: city, state and country.

Revealing the secrets of board breaking, Penn Jilette states,

Now breaking even one board is damn near impossible if you whack the board [against the grain]. But if you turn it, you’re splitting it between the fibers. Still, even with soft pine, breaking a stack of five takes a hell of a whack, unless you put pencils, chopsticks, or some some separators between them. Now you’re just breaking one board after the other, separately.

Penn actually understates the widespread duplicity of Karate and Taekwondo breaking demonstrations! More on this subject in a future article here.

Watch the full episode of PENN & TELLER: BULLSHIT! “Martial Arts” online at MegaVideo (NSFW)
[YouTube version (also NSFW)]

In his parting cheap shots, Penn inquires,

What’s the point of all these crazy [Tai Chi] moves?

Dena responds,

They teach you to listen to your organs, and after awhile, your organs will talk to you…I’m not kidding.

??

After taking great care to present Dena as a faded fruitcake, Penn asks two other people whether they believe her wacky claims. Their answer, unsurprisingly, is no. But what do you think? Can organs really talk?

Are Penn and Teller out of their depth here? Or do you agree with their conclusion, that martial arts are bullshit?

I have always been a fan of cotton-sole kung fu slippers. They are very cheap, and very comfortable. With their soft and smooth bottoms, they don’t scuff hardwood floors, and they don’t tear vinyl or canvas mats.

Cotton shoes do have some weaknesses, though. They absorb water and dirt, so you can’t really wear them outside. And unfortunately, they tend to slip a bit during kicking, jumping, and tumbling exercises. It was for these reasons that I recently decided to upgrade my footwear.

Feiyue (a.k.a. Feivue) sneakers are my new studio shoes. Feiyues are an iconic wushu brand, and a very popular choice among Chinese martial artists. Feiyues are made of canvas and rubber, lightweight with a thin and flexible sole. They are available in white and black, low-cut and high-top styles, for as little as $15.

After wearing the Tiger Claw version for a few months, I have mixed feelings about these Feiyue shoes. They are cut a little too narrow for me personally–unlike cotton slippers, they do not stretch to fit the shape of the foot. Also, for reasons I cannot fathom, Feiyues have round bottoms! When you place a slightly concave foot into the slightly convex bed provided by these sneakers, the natural result is instability. Depending on your perspective, you may interpret this as an additional training challenge, or a needless nuisance.

Outside the studio, I prefer my pair of Replay Arnolds. Their design is a cross between Feiyues and Adidas Samba Classics. Anyway, if you need a second pair of sneakers for martial arts training, and don’t want to spend fifty or one hundred dollars, give Feiyue a try.

What is your favorite martial arts footwear, if any?