Farting to Enlightenment

Su Dongpo occupied a government post on the northern shore of the Yangtze River. Across the river at Jinshan Temple lived the Chan master Foyin.

Calligraphy by Su Dongpo

One day, Su Dongpo, feeling proud of his accomplishments in meditative practice, wrote a poem and dispatched it to Foyin for approval:

I bow my head to the heaven within heaven
Whose light illuminates the universe
The eight winds cannot move me
Sitting still upon the golden purple lotus

When Foyin received the poem, he read it, wrote a single word in reply, and sent it back. Continue reading Farting to Enlightenment

“Kung Fu Jesus” Movie Trailer

Kung Fu Jesus
“God is my master”

TrailerVision Pictures presents the martial arts classic: Kung Fu Jesus.

For years, vicious gangster bosses ran the underworld, but a new fighter has come to town.  He’s taking over the streets, with a new style of kung fu known as Swing Lo

When Jesus is framed for selling drugs, he must fight to prove his innocence. Continue reading “Kung Fu Jesus” Movie Trailer

The Three Craziest People I Met in Aikido Class

Martial arts is one of those rare arenas where people show their true personality, without disguise or pretense. Unfortunately, some of these people are real nut jobs!

Here are three short stories of artifice and cowardice, taken from my experience in the gentle art of Aikido. Continue reading The Three Craziest People I Met in Aikido Class

The Best Kung Fu Movies: Kung Fu in Daily Life

Napping kung fu

These three movies examine the relevance of martial arts to everyday life. Even though they are all comedies, they may change your perspective on the value and meaning of kung fu.

Shaolin Soccer [IMDB]
Stephen Chow’s classic film shows the secret applications of Shaolin wushu: baking, tree trimming, and parallel parking.
Continue reading The Best Kung Fu Movies: Kung Fu in Daily Life

Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers

SKOKIE, IL—Toshiro Tenchumaru, a 34-year-old ninja and longtime employee at Azuma Copier Corporation in Skokie, stealthily took the lives of 12 co-workers Monday after suffering what investigators theorize was “a breakdown due to job-related stress.”

The disgruntled ninja was later captured by police while attempting to flee on foot across telephone lines. Continue reading Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers

Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

‘I am the serenest!’ he says

LHASA, TIBET—Employing the brash style that first brought him to prominence, Sri Dhananjai Bikram won the fifth annual International Yogi Competition yesterday with a world-record point total of 873.6.

Sri Dhananjai Bikram walked away with the World Yoga Championship after averaging 1.89 breaths per minute for two straight hours.

“I am the serenest!” Bikram shouted to the estimated crowd of 20,000 yoga fans, vigorously pumping his fists. “No one is serener than Sri Dhananjai Bikram—I am the greatest monk of all time!” Continue reading Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts

The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice.
3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Continue reading 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts