Most adults feel incredibly capable of functioning in their day to day activities. They have bought insurance, put locks on their doors and generally adhere to the standard commonsense notions of maintaining their personal security. Occasionally they will be caught unawares and become the victim to some form of crime. After bemoaning the loss of their wallet or iPod, they will either assume that they could not have avoided the burglary or will step up their precautionary measures and go back to feeling safe and prepared.

However, simply buying pepper spray or watching fights on Jerry Springer will not ensure your ability to protect yourself. There is far more effort and introspection involved in appropriately preparing to protect your personal security. For the purposes of this article, I would like to approach the subject matter from a self defense standpoint, wherein the first objective is to avoid harm, and not from a fighting mindset. There is a huge difference between doing everything possible to avoid a physical interaction with a would-be assailant and standing your ground and meeting the challenge with equal if not greater force.

Recognizing the need for personal protection… won’t do anything at all if you aren’t prepared to use it.

Step 1: Recognition of a Potential Problem. Most advocates of personal security devices and training are happy enough to list off the potential dangers inherent in our everyday activities. They can tell you the local crime statistics, and rattle off a laundry list of situations and scams that you should be aware of and take steps to avoid. They can scare the pants off of you and make a condition like agoraphobia seem like the sanest approach to personal security. They may not tell you this one fundamental truth: you can’t prepare for every possible contingency.

You can attain the highest level available in every form of martial arts and feel prepared. Nevertheless, none of these things will protect you in every situation. The best thing that you can do for yourself, is mentally walk through situations wherein you cannot win or escape and prepare yourself for how you will function in that depressing scenario.

Joe Lewis said it best, “Everyone has a plan until they’ve been hit”. Accept that there will be times when you will not be able to win or escape, for there will always be situations that you could not prepare for. There will always be new tricks or crimes that will render all of your prior training useless, whether through new techniques, the use of extortion or sheer dumb luck on the part of the criminal. The key is to accept the situation and allow your intelligence and resourcefulness to break out of your training and creatively assess the new situation. Are you prepared to lose? How will you handle it?

Step 2: Preparation. Whether you are learning martial arts for protection, taking weapons training courses or preparing yourself for potential real emergencies, the most important step was the first one; you recognized the need for the knowledge and pursued a course of action to find it. Now you need to focus on sticking with the program and seeing the training through to completion.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you are completely prepared once you finish the course. You may never forget how to ride a bike, but learning how to safely react and remain calm during a terrifying encounter is something that must be practiced. Don’t assume that because you attained your orange belt in a Karate course when you were ten, that you can safely defend yourself against an adult physical threat.

Maintaining your fitness level is an essential part of an intelligent personal security plan. After all, physical encounters should only ever be a last resort. You should be looking to avoid potential issues and not rising to provocation.

Running away, or having the mental stamina to see you through an altercation, requires extensive practice. The added bonus is that most attackers or would-be assailants are looking for easy marks, and not someone who is physically strong and capable of defending themselves. The awareness of your environment that comes from this form of training is priceless and not something that can be learned in an afternoon. Incorporating real life applications of your self defense training into your regular fitness routine will help you to hone your awareness and new-found perspective.

Step 3: Commitment. Simply learning how to protect oneself isn’t enough, you need to be able to see past the training and realize that if you aren’t willing to put it into effect and follow through with your intentions, then you are wasting your time. A true opponent or attacker will be able to call your bluff, sensing if you are insincere or lacking confidence in your abilities.

If you find that you have exhausted all other available escape plans and that a physical response is your only choice, you will need to accept this with complete confidence. Your ability to inflict damage–in order to flee–relies on not pulling your punches, and following through with your trained responses. This one step will be the one that saves your life–after all, recognizing the need for personal protection and actively preparing for a potential danger won’t do anything at all if you aren’t prepared to use it.

With these three essential steps comes a lifetime of practice and dedication on your behalf. Once you have recognized, prepared and committed yourself to taking responsibility for your own personal protection, you will find that your heightened senses and awareness of your surroundings will enhance your daily interactions in so many more ways.

For more excellent self defense facts you can also check out this engaging list of Five Personal Protection Facts They Don’t Want You to Know.

About the Author: Lucas Gregson is a Personal Security Specialist with a keen desire to help people stop behaving as victims and take more of a responsibly active role in their own protection, whether through the use of self defense products or a course in personal security.

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• The inaugural Crossing The Pond Martial Expo was held last weekend in West Seattle. This seminar brought together five six well-known and highly skilled instructors of martial arts and self-defense from across the United States and United Kingdom.
• Over the weekend, two one-hour workshops were held by instructors Al Peasland, Nicholas Yang, Kris Wilder, Rory Miller, Marc “Animal” MacYoung, and Iain “Tuna Fish Pizza” Abernethy.
• Approximately thirty-five people were in attendance. Among the students, at least one third appeared to be black belts and/or instructors themselves.
• Participants were open-minded, polite, and patient–especially with this author, who hadn’t done any Karate training since elementary school. Egoism, inappropriate competition, and input from self-declared “assistant instructors” was minimal. This is a credit to the affable seminar host, Kris Wilder, and the other teachers as well, who together set the right tone for the event.

Al Peasland on Crossing The Pond

• Each instructor taught from their own background, first introducing concepts and principles, and then a set of simple partner exercises to instill and explore their application. To the extent that the seminar had an overall theme, it was on applying traditional martial arts for real-world self-defense.
• Due to the diverse backgrounds of the attendees, and the limited amount of time available to each instructor, only basic techniques were taught. It was not a time for gathering new material, so much as reviewing old material from new perspectives and with new players.
• Whether by design or coincidence, most of the sections related to, and built upon each other. Still, I think the expo would have benefited from tighter coordination between the instructors, on which problems (e.g. developing power, interpreting kata, dealing with multiple attackers) they would individually or jointly address.
• Under my gold standard for martial arts seminars, each instructor spends a few minutes with each student: not only observing and correcting, but also interacting with them. This is how martial skills are most clearly transmitted, and by this measure the expo was a little disappointing. Sure, I was choked by Al, and Kris punched me a few times at my request, but I didn’t get twisted up by Nicholas, and Rory never hit me with a folding chair. Maybe next time.
• Under my platinum standard for martial arts seminars, the lectures and demonstrations are professionally filmed, and students have the option of buying the DVD afterwards, either for review or as a memento. A nice compromise would be to make some video clips available online, either on YouTube or a private website.

Iain Abernathy on Crossing The Pond

From my notes, here are a few of the central lessons taught by each instructor.

Iain Abernethy

1. Karate is not an art for fighting a single opponent (in the manner of a contest or a duel). It is an art for defending yourself against ruffians.
2. For self-defense, forget about inflicting pain and go for the knockout. If you are holding an opponent’s head, don’t grasp it so tightly that you support their skull and brain (thus preventing a knockout).
3. Stances are not meant to be held during an altercation. Move in and out of them as appropriate.

Kris Wilder

1. If a stranger threatens you, it is safe to assume they have fighting experience or some other hidden advantage, and they expect to win. Do not ignore the basis of their assumption.
2. Never enter a fair fight if you have any choice in the matter. If you can’t escape, then cheat early and often.
3. Spiraling force is more effective than linear force, and punching the body is less effective than punching the mind.

Nicholas Yang

1. Physical conditioning is extremely important. Learning techniques is a waste of time if you aren’t conditioned to apply them well.
2. A fight is like a dance: one person leads and another person follows. It is advantageous to lead.
3. In the real world, nobody ever leaves their limb hanging out after an attempt to strike. Make use of the time and the space created when they draw back.

Al Peasland

1. A fight is like a discussion. Someone else may start the conversation, but you should quickly turn it into a monologue.
2. There are two ways to deal with a threat. First, to appear even more dangerous yourself, such that they don’t want to take the risk of bothering you. Second, to immediately take a submissive pose, such that they become relaxed. Their relaxation will create an opportunity for surprise attack.
3. It is important to have a variety of working tools in your toolbox. It is also important to have one or two favorites, such as a rear naked choke, that you can apply successfully without thinking.

Rory Miller and Marc MacYoung

1. If a train is coming at you, there is no benefit in backing up. You have to actually step off the tracks.
2. Every violent assault is conducted according to a set of rules. It is a mistake to pretend there are no rules. The first goal is to identify the rules, and to know which are immutable, and which can be rewritten or broken.
3. The ideal movement does not just avoid damage, or inflict damage, or improve your position for follow-up action. It does all of these things simultaneously.

I am pleased to note that many of the expo teaching topics have already been discussed on this blog. Others will be reviewed in the near future.
In My Dojo, Cheaters And Failures Are Welcome
Defend Yourself the Taoist Way
Why Wing Chun Punches Never Miss
If Street Fights Were More Like Final Fight…
Xingyi And The Myth of The Defensive Martial Art
The Unwritten Rules of Mixed Martial Arts
9 Famous Artists’ Quotations on Martial Arts
I Challenge Kimbo Slice to a Fair Fight
Are You Fit Enough to Fight?
How to Discover The Purpose of Your Kata
Martial Arts of Addition and Subtraction
Movement, Martial Arts, and Man-in-the-Middle Attacks

Crossing The Pond Martial Expo 2010 will be repeated this weekend in Coventry, England. To register, visit their website. Whether you can make this one or not, I would be interested in hearing about the best and worst aspects of seminars that you have attended in the past.

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Home video showing security guards from a Hollywood store in a scuffle with two men who appear to be deaf has become the talk of the Internet. Police said one of the men apprehended by the security guards, Alejandro Rea, was charged with robbery.

Joshua Fountain shot this video of the physical altercation outside of the Forever 21 clothing store at Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue.

Two security guards are seen in the video, with one of them on the ground holding one of the Rea brothers in a choke hold. Meanwhile, the other brother is circling frantically trying to help. The two men are making sounds and gesturing but they aren’t speaking. [continued at KABC]

If you were a plainclothes security guard, and someone walked out of your store with stolen merchandise, what would you have done?

If you were a bystander to this event, watching a deaf man get choked on the sidewalk while a dozen other people stood around gawking, what would you have done?

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Your name is Cody, and you have no past, only a backstory. Some street gang kidnapped your girlfriend Jessica, you are told, and you need to punch them all out in order to rescue her. The details are not important–just start punching!

The clock is ticking, literally. You have to reach the end of each gang-infested street before the timer reaches zero, or Jessica is finished. Unfortunately you never learned to run, much less drive a car, or ride a bicycle, or even take the bus. No, Cody, you never learned much of anything in your life: all you can do now is walk around, jump, kick, punch, and “special attack.”

Lucky for you, most of the Mad Gear gang attended the same inner-city schools. Although there are more than a thousand members in this gang, they always approach to battle you in small and uncoordinated groups, attacking from one of two fixed directions.

There are no threats or intimidation, no pleading or bargaining here. No tactical intellect, and no emotion. Aside from the occasional moan, grunt, or kiai, these streets are dumb and silent.

The best response to a mass attack is to launch a series of flying kicks–which you can execute perfectly every time, without ever getting tired. A single flying kick knocks four enemies down just as easily as one, and if you knock them down a few times, they disappear. Gang members never block or grab, and rarely move out of the way.

“Poison” from Final Fight

It is a mystery how this gang ever managed to kidnap anyone, frankly–but they clearly do know how to attack you. Each member specializes in a different style of armed or unarmed assault. Those who use weapons carry them openly, and everyone else wears a distinctive uniform to represent their favored combat skill.

The samurai warriors fight with spears, while the transvestite hookers use somersault kicks, and the zombie skeletons carry a flaming sword and shield. (Mad Gear is a criminal gang, but also very progressive in its support for alternative and undead lifestyles.) All of these thugs follow a predictable script, and none of them will ever surprise you….except for the hookers, maybe.

Still, wouldn’t it be better to call the police, instead of risking your life in this street fight? No. In Metro City, all the cops are dirty, and they belong to the gang. Also, you have three lives, so losing one or two of them is no big deal.

Your vigilante crimefighting efforts are fully supported by Haggar, who is Jessica’s father, and also a retired professional wrestler, and also the mayor of the city. Both of you are willing to accept the risk, as is your friend Guy, a flamboyantly dressed ninja. Guy’s interest in this street battle is unclear, though he seems to enjoy the pursuit of fist-based justice. (Maybe he is Metro City’s District Attorney?)

Final Fight demo

Aside from Jessica, none of you have any family to support, or to protect from the vengeance of the Mad Gear gang. So there is no need to worry about retaliation. There are no drive-by shootings here–in Metro City, there is only one street, and nobody seems to have a working car. Besides, everyone you’ve beaten immediately fades out of existence, remember?

The toughest men in this gang are waiting for you at the end of each street. You can tell how strong they really are, not only because of their location and their clothing, but also due to the long yellow health bar that floats above their heads. But have no fear, and rely on your invincible “special attack,” and you’ll probably make it through.

If not, Cody, then you’ll have to spend another fifty cents and start over again from the beginning.

Do you think Final Fight is anything like a real street fight? Can you identify even one difference?

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In a recent episode of their hit Showtime series, stage magicians Penn Jilette and Raymond Teller warn viewers away from the universally fraudulent field of martial arts. Now a real expert martial artist rescues us from their half-baked debunkings.

For their own convenience, Penn and Teller divide the world of martial arts into three categories: traditional, mystical, and murderous. During the show, they interview and mock one representative from each category:

• Mike Reeves, of Powerhouse Karate, in Apopka, Florida
• Dena Saxer, of Mantak Chia’s Universal Healing Tao in Los Angeles, CA
• Damian Ross, of The Self Defense Company, in Saddle River, NJ

To support their otherwise meritless position, Penn and Teller rely on Marc MacYoung of No-Nonsense Self Defense. Although MacYoung is presented as a skeptical outsider here, he is actually the best known of these four, and is highly regarded within the martial arts community.

Having introduced the litigants, let us now review the case. Assistance is provided by a handy Truth-o-Meter, which I borrowed from the St. Petersburg Times.

While facing a mugger with a gun, Penn and Teller say:

If we had invested in martial arts training, we could try to go all Bruce Lee on their asses. But a few years ago, we did the arithmetic, and we figured that Karate lessons–even kids’ Karate lessons–would cost us a grand or more a year, for each of us. And the hours we spent in class, and driving to the dojo, and practicing and sweating and bowing and Fuck that! We have a better, cheaper, and less risky self-defense system. [Penn hands over his wallet and watch.]

Throughout the episode, Penn Jilette uses the terms “martial arts” and “self-defense” interchangeably, despite the fact that his own sources (Ross and MacYoung) insist otherwise. Self-defense is one of many possible benefits of martial arts training; performance varies with the student and the school.

Exercise is another benefit. According to our 2009 survey, average monthly martial arts tuition is around 80 dollars per month: this is comparable to a standard health club membership, if you include a short monthly coaching session with a personal trainer.

Penn Jilette advises that obedience is a better self-defense solution. This may be true in the case of a simple mugging, and most martial arts instructors would agree. As for dealing with the threat of rape or violent assault…don’t ask a six-foot-six, 270 pound Hollywood millionaire.

When outlining the content of the show, Penn Jillette says:

What we won’t be seeing much of are headlines like these: “Purse Snatcher Stopped by Passing Dojo Student”, “Rapist Thwarted by Black Belt Woman,” et cetera. Sure these stories exist, they must, but with all the people taking all these martial arts classes, shouldn’t we see these headlines all the time?…None of us could remember [seeing] a story like this in the news; when it happened, wouldn’t every dojo send out a press release?

As a former columnist for PC Magazine, Penn ought to know how and why these headlines appear, and why they do not appear more often: an exceptional sequence of events is required. First, a crime must be committed against someone who “knows” martial arts well enough to apply them under pressure (but not well enough to actually prevent or avoid the crime). Second, either the victim or a bystander must report this crime to the police. Third, the victim must specifically demonstrate or reference their “martial arts ability” (instead of attributions to luck or athleticism) for the report. Fourth, a media organization must observe this, and decide it is a newsworthy event.

When a martial artist stops a crime before it has even started, there is no headline. Martial arts help us to avoid becoming a victim, by teaching us to stop acting like a victim. As Geoff Thompson has explained, few criminals are interested in trying their luck against a hard target.

When a crime goes unreported, there is no headline. On those few occasions when I’ve been personally assaulted, I never bothered to call the police. A good friend of mine was attacked by a gang and stabbed in the gut, and he didn’t call the police either–as he recalled, it was just a light stabbing, and filing a report wasn’t worth the hassle. This happens all the time.

When a martial artist keeps their mouth shut, there is no headline. Most are taught to exercise discretion–either out of humility, or to avoid challenge matches and unwarranted scrutiny from law enforcement. As an innocent victim, nobody will demand to know why you hit back; as a self-identified martial artist, you may be expected to turn cartwheels around your attackers, and punished for anything less.

When the story isn’t compelling or advertiser-friendly, there is no headline. This last point warrants no further explanation.

Penn Jilette helpfully translates,

“Dojo” is Japanese for “storefront in strip mall”.

OK, this is mostly true.

Dena has been teaching the ancient Chinese practices of Chi Kung and Tai Chi ever since the powers of chi healed her osteoporosis. That’s what she said. We don’t know why she’s here on Showtime, rather than presenting her double-blind study on the curing of osteoarthritis through Chi Kung to the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Dena is not presenting to the AMA because this is a settled issue. The safety and efficacy of Qigong as an arthritis treatment is well established, in theory and practice. Common objections, that the theory is not acceptable and the observed results are unimportant, fail to impress this writer–or the many practitioners who have found relief through these practices.

Before providing his opinion of Qigong, Penn Jilette should first learn how to pronounce it correctly. If this is prohibitively difficult, he could instead browse the 3000 search results in PubMed (assuming that he can spell it correctly).

Dismissing the effectiveness of Tai Chi Chuan, Penn Jilette says:

And this is going to repel an attacker? Maybe if he’s afraid of French mimes.

After mislabeling martial arts as systems of self-defense, who have Penn and Teller selected to test the fighting capacity of Tai Chi? An elderly female theatre major, whose primary interest lies in the therapeutic aspects of the art. Sacrebleu!

If nothing else, this decision explains the title for their TV series. It is also a wasted opportunity; I would have paid good money to see Penn attempt a hands-on investigation of Chen Bing, or any of a hundred other masters who take fighting applications seriously.

Marc MacYoung explains the significance of belts in the martial arts,

It turns out there has never been a accepted standard for what a black belt means, or any other color belt for that matter. Simply put, martial arts is a business, and the belts are its primary product…For two or three thousand dollars, not including belt testing fees, equipment fees, and all these other hidden fees, you can get a black belt in one year, guaranteed.

This is standard practice in modern, commercial schools. It is far from universal, however. Note that of the four martial arts experts on this show, only one of them actually awards belts!

After learning that senior students not only assist in teaching, but also mop the floors and change the light bulbs in Mike Reeves’ dojo, Penn complains:

“Wait a second, that’s like paying your gym membership to scrub the showers. But this isn’t unique to Mike’s dojo. This is all dojos around the country…What’s the Japanese word for suckers?”

The word in question is giri, and it can be translated as “obligation”. Unlike colored belts, this practice does have a historical precedent. Giri generally includes, but is not limited to basic dojo maintenance duties.

The plain fact is that if students will not perform these simple tasks, they must pay for someone else to do it. Veteran students tend to give their dojo as much respect as their own home, and if sweeping the floor is not exactly an honor, it is hardly a punishment either.

Responding to Damian Ross’ bluster, that producing killer students makes him proud, Penn and Teller declare,

According to the legal definition of self-defense, ‘A person must use no more force than appears reasonably necessary in the circumstances.’ Otherwise Damian, your students are looking at manslaughter charges.

The standards for legally permissible self-defense vary by jurisdiction: city, state and country.

Revealing the secrets of board breaking, Penn Jilette states,

Now breaking even one board is damn near impossible if you whack the board [against the grain]. But if you turn it, you’re splitting it between the fibers. Still, even with soft pine, breaking a stack of five takes a hell of a whack, unless you put pencils, chopsticks, or some some separators between them. Now you’re just breaking one board after the other, separately.

Penn actually understates the widespread duplicity of Karate and Taekwondo breaking demonstrations! More on this subject in a future article here.

Watch the full episode of PENN & TELLER: BULLSHIT! “Martial Arts” online at MegaVideo (NSFW)
[YouTube version (also NSFW)]

In his parting cheap shots, Penn inquires,

What’s the point of all these crazy [Tai Chi] moves?

Dena responds,

They teach you to listen to your organs, and after awhile, your organs will talk to you…I’m not kidding.

??

After taking great care to present Dena as a faded fruitcake, Penn asks two other people whether they believe her wacky claims. Their answer, unsurprisingly, is no. But what do you think? Can organs really talk?

Are Penn and Teller out of their depth here? Or do you agree with their conclusion, that martial arts are bullshit?

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Introduction

In the martial arts, a “joint lock” is a technique that targets a joint in an opponent’s body, holding it near or outside its normal range of motion. The purpose of a joint lock is not to inflict harm, but to issue a credible threat of harm. The recipient of a joint lock is expected to submit: to move, or to stop moving, as directed by the applicant.

Locking techniques exist for nearly every joint in the human body. Depending on the technique selected, the recipient may or may not be physically immobilized (“locked”) upon application. The recipient may or may not experience significant pain, as a signal to comply, before the onset of bone or soft tissue damage.

Joint locks can be applied in the context of combat sport, law enforcement, or self-defense. The use of joint locks is usually restricted in fighting competitions, due to the high risk of injury.

Joint Locks for Pain Compliance and Restraint

The use of the joint lock as a “nonviolent” coercion method–and an alternative to striking–is complicated by a number of factors. First, their difficulty: locking a particular joint requires a skillful positioning of the target’s neighboring joints, and of their entire body. This is especially true in the case of standing locks, where the applicant is in danger of being struck immediately in response, or thrown to the ground.

Whereas a imperfectly executed punch or kick is somewhat less effective for its flaws, an improperly applied joint lock may be completely useless–accomplishing nothing more than to present an opportunity for counterattack. This first challenge can be mitigated with sufficient training, but the next cannot.

Second, the experience of pain is idiosyncratic. A target may be so strong, so flexible, or so emotionally disturbed that no safety buffer between pain and damage can be found. Without the pain, there is no immediate and visceral threat, and no apparent necessity to submit. The target may struggle violently against the hold, placing themselves at risk, inadvertently or out of spite. Observers are then left to wonder how a supposedly nonviolent restraint resulted in a dislocated shoulder, or a broken elbow, or worse.

Finally, while locking and holding the target’s joint in place, the applicant is sacrificing their own mobility. This is a significant risk when multiple potential threats are present.

Conclusion

When martial artists practice joint locking methods, they rarely apply them to a worst-case conclusion. In training, the target submits before any damage is done, so that practice can continue. Unfortunately, this tends to support a belief that locking techniques are both safe and reliable. In truth, these are risky techniques made safer by mutual cooperation. When that cooperation is withdrawn–as one can rightfully expect in street confrontations–the joint lock must be considered dangerous.

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One of the women, Marilyn Ellen Levias, decided to walk away instead. As Officer Walsh grabbed her, and the pair struggled, a crowd gathered to watch. Levias’ companion, Angel Rosenthal, shoved Walsh so that Levias could escape.

Officer Walsh responded by punching Miss Rosenthal in the face. The event, minus the initial confrontation, was captured on video by an alert citizen.

Were the officer’s actions justified? Some local groups have labeled this an instance of brutality or excessive force, but without advancing any theory of “reasonable force” under these difficult circumstances. Let’s consider the alternatives:

The officer could have just let them leave, after they started to resist. Does anyone think this would be an appropriate response?

The officer could have tried talking to them, instead of using physical force. In fact, this is how the confrontation started: Walsh wanted to talk, but Levias wasn’t willing to listen. At that point, he had to either ignore the offense, or to escalate the response.

The officer could have used, or threatened to use, a weapon. Scratch pepper spray off the list immediately, because if the target is two feet away, you may as well spray yourself. Other options include Taser, baton, and pistol. Which of these weapons would have been preferable?

The Taser’s reputation as a “safe” or “nonviolent” weapon is totally unjustified. When you seize up due to electrocution, you fall down. When you fall down without any bodily control, you often hit your head. And when you hit your head on the ground, you can die.

Should Officer Walsh have drawn his gun, in this growing crowd of people, over an overblown jaywalking violation? Or should he have beaten Rosenthal with a stick instead? I don’t think so.

The officer could have shocked and intimidated her into compliance, with a minimal and strategic use of force. (Minimal is defined in relation to the officer’s previous, ineffective attempts.) This is the option he chose, and as bad as it looks, I haven’t heard any better ideas yet–not even with the benefit of hindsight.

The officer could have called for backup. And when they arrived a few minutes later, they (ideally) would attempt to subdue Levias and Rosenthal using minimal force. In the meantime, Walsh would still have to deal with them both, while avoiding the active interference of the crowd, and trying to maintain control of the weapons on his belt. In other words, nothing would have changed.

Let me know if I missed anything.

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The following short story was excerpted from Rolling Thunder: A Personal Exploration into the Secret Healing Powers of an American Indian Medicine Man. In this section, Doug Boyd sits by the campfire with Rolling Thunder, sharing stories he heard from other spiritual teachers.

On the train to Brindavan a Swami sits beside a common man who asks him if indeed he has attained self-mastery, as the name “Swami” implies.
“I have,” says the Swami.
“And have you mastered anger?”
“I have.”
“You mean you can control your anger?”
“I can.”
“And you do not feel anger?”
“I do not.”
“Is this the truth, Swami?”
“It is.”

After a silence the man asks again, “Do you really feel that you have controlled your anger?”
“I have, as I told you,” the Swami answers.
“Then do you mean to say, you never feel anger, even–”
“You are going on and on–what do you want?” the Swami shouts. “Are you a fool? When I have told you–”
“O, Swami, this is anger. You have not mas–”
“Ah, but I have,” the Swami interrupts. “Have you not heard about the abused snake? Let me tell you the story.”

“On a path that went by a village in Bengal there lived a cobra who used to bite people on their way to worship at the temple there. As the incidents increased, everyone became fearful, and many refused to go to the temple. The Swami who was the master at the temple was aware of the problem and took it upon himself to put an end to it. Taking himself to where the snake dwelt, he used a mantra to call the snake to him and bring it into submission.”

Rolling Thunder, who had been staring into the fire as I talked, suddenly looked at me. I began to relate what the Swami said to the snake. Immediately Rolling Thunder interrupted: “What was the mantra?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think the mantra itself was part of the story. At least I never heard it.”
“Go ahead.”

“The Swami then said to the snake that it was wrong to bite the people who walked along the path to worship and made him promise sincerely that he would never do it again. Soon it happened that the snake was seen by a passer-by upon the path, and it made no move to bite. Then it became known that the snake had somehow been made passive, and people grew unafraid. It was not long before the village boys were dragging the poor snake along behind them as they ran laughing here and there. When the temple Swami passed that way again he called the snake to see if he had kept his promise–”

Again Rolling Thunder interrupted: “He didn’t say anything at all about what words the Swami used to called the snake? Just thought they might probably be familiar to me. Must be something like the words I would use.” Rolling Thunder did not wait for me to repeat what I had told him, but asked some question to pick the story up again.

“The snake humbly and miserably approached the Swami, who exclaimed, ‘You are bleeding! Tell me how this has come to be.’ The snake was near tears and blurted out that he had been abused ever since he made his promise to the Swami. ‘I hold you not to bite,’ said the Swami, ‘but I did not tell you not to hiss!’”

That was supposed to be the end of the story. Rolling Thunder quietly looked into the fire. When he saw I was finished, he considered a moment and then he looked straight up and laughed. “That’s right!” he exclaimed. “That’s right!” His face became serious and he stared into the fire as though he had begun to consider again. Then I felt him thinking of the pinyon forest chaining (clear-cutting) issue and the other struggles in which he was involved. His “That’s right!” sounded to me like he was speaking for the snake. “Sure would be interested to hear that mantra,” he said. “You suppose Swami Rama himself would be familiar with that particular mantra?”

“If he does know, I’m sure I could find it out.” But I regretted my words as soon as I’d spoken them. Would Swami Rama tell me if he knew, and would it be permissible to ask? Even for Rolling Thunder’s sake? I wondered whether Rolling Thunder would ever tell me his mantra. I would never ask him. I turned to look at him. His eyes stared thoughtfully into the flames. I watched the shadows from the dancing fire hammer upon him as thought they were trying to deepen the lines in his face, and I could see he had nothing more to say.

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Tapout – Cheezburger = FAIL
NSFW

But this was not a tournament match. It was a scuffle at an Austin Whataburger, with a dozen laughing spectators. And in taking the superior position, the BJJ artist had essentially painted himself into a corner.

If this were an MMA contest, he could have sat on his attacker’s chest and pounded the man’s face. But when you do that at a fast-food restaurant, the police tend to call it an assault. Good luck convincing a judge–even in Texas–that such an act was reasonable or necessary for self-defense.

Neither can our BJJ student simply get up and walk away after scoring his dominance points, lest he get attacked again from behind. So he finds himself in this awkward position, straddling a furious fat man with no underpants, and pleading: “Are you done?”

No retreat, no surrender
While we aren’t shown the ultimate outcome of this brawl in the video, we can nevertheless draw a few lessons from it. First, don’t stand between a Texas big boy and his cheeseburger dinner. Second: if attacked, don’t expect anyone to assist or intervene on your behalf. Third, never pick a fight unless you have a viable exit strategy.

So, was BJJ the best solution to the problem? What do you think?

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Well, some of them did, anyway. One reader posted this amusing retort:

“I hereby motion for more examples of self-defense where at least one punch was thrown at the author.”

For those who don’t already know, Aikido practitioners are the starry-eyed idealists of the martial arts world. They tend to talk of harmony rather than victory, and ethics before power. In theory at least, they are among the noblest of warriors and pugilists.

In practice, Aikido training is almost exclusively dedicated to ending a fight in progress–as marked by attempts to grab, punch or tackle–rather than terminating it before it can manifest as violent physical action. Since no punches were thrown in my story, this reader deemed it “unrelated to the martial art of Aikido.”

To which I ask, as defined by whom?

Morihei Ueshiba reportedly said that 99% of Aikido is striking. But you’ll never see evidence for this in the average Aikido dojo today; most strikes are only assumed or implied. If they aren’t performed, but are merely kept in mind, are they still a relevant part of the art?

Ueshiba also said that:

True Budo is practiced not only to destroy an enemy, it must also make him gladly lose his spirit to oppose you.

Every day, thousands of Aikido students step onto the mat, and launch symbolic attacks against a training partner. The result is preordained: the attacker will fail and fall down, in a show of harmonious ukemi. No spirit of opposition is really present.

But on the street, I am told, it is better to keep up appearances. Apparently, there is no room for a bloodless victory in modern self-defense.

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