Comments on: Breaking The Drama Triangle

By: Dennis

Dennis — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:11:20 +0000

I think taking responsibility for your position, or being self aware in your life and how you can change it takes you out of the victim role. Being empathetic and understanding that you put yourself in the victim role, not others keeps you from the persecutor role and having realistic expectations for another keeps you out of the rescuer role.

By: kathy

kathy — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 17:58:53 +0000

Great drama triangle reference!

I would like to introduce you to author David Emerald. His book, The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic), actually offers an alternative to the drama triangle. As a matter of fact, Dr. Stephen Karpman himself said, “The Empowerment Triangle is a highly original and effective escape from the Drama Triangle.”

A description of the book, as well as other resources, can be found at his website http://www.powerofted.com.

I look forward to hearing your impressions.

Creating today,
Kathy

By: bee

bee — Wed, 18 May 2011 16:13:32 +0000

I have had a history of being in a triagle. What are some tools to help me not be any of the three in the triangle. I have the victim possition pretty much under control .

By: April

April — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 17:52:07 +0000

Hi!
I love the concept behind the Drama Triangle and moving toward the center rather than being forced into a corner. This totally makes sense to me, but then again I am a black belt in Tang Soo Do and this is one of the things that is taught right away in class – try never to get caught in a corner!

I am in a situation where my husband is the persecutor, another person is the victim, and I’m the rescuer. Consequently, the “victim” in this role is anything having to do with my interest in karate. Kinda blows you away doesn’t it?

Recently my husband started picking apart my karate instructor telling me that he feels that he has a “cult-like” following. This is completely untrue. I told my husband that I did not want to argue with him – by coming to the person’s defense. I told him that he was entitled to his own opinion and that I, however,did not agree with his opinion. That was all the further I would allow the conversation to go.

By realizing what my husband, the persecutor, was doing and by taking myself out of the role of rescuer I essentially shut down the conversation. There was no “victim” there for me to rescue, because I refused to let him persecute.

I’ve been noticing a pattern where I am the rescuer in many situations. I place myself in that situation and I realize that I have to move to the center to be more balanced in my approach with everything.

Thanks for the illustrations. They were VERY helpful!

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 06:22:25 +0000

This is a great article on the drama triangle. Some of the comments asked how to get off the triangle. I liked some of the replies here.

For my own situation and awareness I would like to offer. You can’t get other’s off the triangle. If you are stuck on the triangle and can’t see a way to get off you are exhibiting the nature of the triangle.

Self-esteem, clear problem solving skills, and a willingness to look at and change your own behaviors that lead to your situations are the tools that allow you to move off the triangle.

I love the martial arts metaphors here as well.

Thanks

By: Greig

Greig — Fri, 14 May 2010 02:36:15 +0000

In order to move away from this DRAMA triangle, it is necessary for the rescuer to cease rescuing and take on a COACHING mentality. Once this occurs, the VICTIM becomes more of a Learner and the Persecutor (the 3rd party in this) can be viewed more as a Teacher. Similarly, the VICTIM needs to make an effort to cease feeling victimized, and attempt to learn from any interaction. This ‘mentality’ changes the whole dynamics of any interactions.
Hopefully some food for thought!

By: On McDojos and Mob Justice

On McDojos and Mob Justice — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:43:50 +0000

[...] no better equipped to search for superior alternatives. Here there is a thin line between exposing victims in the name of justice, and creating them for sport (and [...]

By: Kristine

Kristine — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 22:29:42 +0000

To acknowledge our own behavior is the beginning of recovery, awareness, healing and growth. I have placed myself as the victim and have also been the abuser. I have allowed my control to be taken from me and then blame the other in my relationships. I won’t acknolwledge when the other has blamed me wrongfully, however I look at myself and make honest assessements now and focus on what “I” need to change.

By: Because1974

Because1974 — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:11:53 +0000

I often times play the rescue roll. It gets my mind of my own problems and needs, however I feel that I am dis empowering, the ones I rescue, the ones I rescue really want to be rescued. That’s all they know they refuse to learn even though I try to get them to help themselves they play dumb and or have no motivation. I do like helping but not to the point where I neglect my studies and needs.

Any Comments?

By: Khawar

Khawar — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:47:23 +0000

From personal expereince I can say that the most difficult thing to do is for the victim to acknlowledge that they are actually palying the role of the victim (or abuser). And unless they acknowledge it, they will never be able to break free from the situation and are doomed to continue in the self-destructive pattern they see as ‘normal’.